Reinventing yourself when your purpose vanishes

Today I watched a very interesting video about a man who is struggling with ALS. It’s all about how it changed the way he thinks about things, and how he had to reinvent himself and find new purpose when the disease progressed so far that he had to quit his job as a pastor.  Ed Dobson has led an interesting life, and I think this video is worth taking a peek at.

Please let me make it clear that I don’t share Mr. Dobson’s religious beliefs, but I find this video compelling and wanted to share it. The thing I find interesting about his story is that even though he is dealing with a disease that is killing him, he found new purpose and carries on one day at a time. When your purpose, or what you think is your purpose, vanishes into thin air in a heart beat  you wonder how you will carry on, and what to do next.  He did an amazing thing, and continues to do amazing things. The interesting part of doing amazing things is that they don’t have to be big, or loud, or blatant to still be amazing. Sometimes just having a positive effect on those around you is the greatest thing of all, especially when you show people that they, too, can get up and keep going no matter what.

The best part of the message this video conveys is that everyone has a purpose, even if you can’t see it right away. You just have to be open to opportunities and ideas as they come, and then one day you realize your purpose is looking you right in the hairy eyeball.

I’ll quit jabbering on about this guy, and let you watch the video and see for yourself. Editor’s Note: I’m having a hard time trying to embed this video, so you will have to click the link below:

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed&videoId=living/2012/02/11/eds-story-my-garden.cnn

Claim your age, and eat egg rolls for breakfast!

I took this week off from my primary job so I could get some appointments taken care of and work on some home projects that have been neglected in recent months. I’m very spoiled in that I can always count on being able to take President’s Day week off, because nobody else at work wants it.  It’s become a sort of tradition for me to take this week off, and I am so grateful that the tradition still stands this year.

Quite on the spur of the moment, I decided to take my boys and The Flirt for a quick trip to a town I used to live in. I wanted to get out of Dodge and do a little shopping in stores that we don’t have here.  I’m happy to say that the trip was a success. We did more window shopping than actually buying, but it was fun. I also got to visit with my brother and his family for a little bit, and that was fabulous. It’s my fondest wish that we can get away for quick trips like that more often…life is just too short to stay hunkered down in survival mode all the time. I’ve had enough of that for sure.

In other news, I’ve turned 43. Whoa. It’s a little strange to look at that number, and even stranger when I think about Older Son graduating from high school this May. Not that I begrudge my age at all…in fact, I’m embracing my 43-ness. What the heck is that, you ask? I’m claiming my age, because I GET to be 43. I get to experience being this age without coloring my hair and trying to hide the sparkly silver streaks that Nature has bestowed upon me. I get to not have to feel like I am not worthy anymore because I’m not a spring chicken. I get to be calm about life and my place in it at this age, because there is already too much drama in life without heaping on added worry and expense to try to cheat time, and Mother Nature.  But it’s not just me…it’s WE. We get to.  Most women are so worried about making themselves look younger, as though they can stave off the marching forward of time… I say, why not own it? Make it yours and claim it, society’s attitudes toward aging be damned. I’ve reached the mid-point of my life, and it’s been a long interesting road getting here. I look forward to the journey forward and all the fabulous and interesting things I will discover along the way. So ends today’s Soap Box…lol

As I sit here contemplating the idea of having a 2nd cup of coffee, and having eaten egg rolls for breakfast (try it sometime…interesting way to get your veggies right away in the morning!), I am plagued by the continuing reminder that my house needs my attention, and I have appointments this afternoon that need preparing for. Oh, but these first precious hours of the morning are so lovely to sit and pay attention to me, and what I want to do, and how I feel about things. I think that we as a society have forgotten the long-lost art of mulling things over, and taking time to think. Things move so quickly and we are expected to pack so much into each and every day that I think we’ve lost the ability to really ponder about things. Snap decisions are valued over decisions that are well thought out.  Not to say that you can’t make a good snap decision, but sometimes I think taking time to think things through might produce more options and better results in many cases. Just saying…

Well, the coffee is gone and my lovely, peaceful morning has evaporated along with it. The good news is that I get to do it again tomorrow…giggle! Here’s wishing you all the time you need want to ponder the things that are most important to YOU.

 

 

 

Impatience isn’t a virtue

Yesterday and, actually, several times this last week, I’ve been terribly impatient.

Last night, I was invited to go out into the mall and sit with someone on my break while working at The Red Big Box Store, and I did. When I reached this person, they were on the phone. They acknowledged me, and then looked away and kept right on talking.

After a minute of sitting there trying not eavesdrop on this conversation, I got up and left in a huff.  I really despise being ignored, so much so that I have quite a chip on my shoulder about it.

Thinking about it now, and remembering snippets of the conversation that I was trying not to hear, I think the person was close to finishing their conversation, and I think they were just trying to finish up, and not really ignoring me per se. Perhaps, if I’d stuck around for another thirty seconds I’d have been able to have the conversation with this person that I’d wanted to have.

One of the things I need work on in my immediate future is my lack of patience, because it isn’t a virtue.  Life goes by quickly enough without trying to hurry every single thing along.

The importance and power of human touch

I’ve been thinking a lot about the power of human touch today, for a couple of reasons.

This last week I had a mammogram. It’s not that I actually wanted one, or felt that I needed it, but I’ve gotten to the age where my doctor has been pestering me for a few years to get it done. Luckily enough we have a mobile mammogram unit that goes from business to business so women can get their mammograms done during work hours without having to schedule time off. So, I signed up this year and it was an odd experience.

The lady who did performed the procedure was quite the Chatty Cathy, and I quickly realized it was a good thing. For you ladies who’ve not had it done yet (and you men who always wondered), it’s not as simple as just flopping a boob on a plate and having it squished down by another plate so you can have an x-ray taken. You actually have to get as much of the tissue close to your ribcage into the picture as possible, so the technician will actually scoop your boob up, and reposition (translation – PULL)  it farther onto the plate and then put her hand on your back and push you closer in. Sometimes she’ll actually have to do it a couple of times to get it right. The reason it was good that she was chatting and engaging me  in conversation the whole time is that it was distracting enough that, while it was weird, it made the procedure go that much quicker. I’m not accustomed to having my chest manhandled in this manner, and it’s off-putting being touched like that. Not that she was rough at all…quite the contrary. She was as gentle as could be, and pretty caring about the whole thing, really. The people who do these procedures really are pretty special folks….this is not a job for just anybody. They have a gift for putting people at ease by voice and by touch, which makes it easier on everyone.

I happened to speak to a young lady I work with at The Red Big Box Store one night, and we got to talking about her mom, whom I know from working at The Blue Big Box Store. I sure do miss working with her, and I told the young lady that she should give her mom a hug from me to which she replied, “I don’t hug my mom!”, with kind of a giggle. This young lady is sixteen years old and is at that point in her life where it’s not cool to hug your mom. So we had a friendly chat about why she should hug her mom, just because. By the end of the night, I’d convinced her to give her mom a hug from me, and she grinned. I think she secretly likes that her mom will hug her all the time, but just can’t bring herself to admit it…typical of someone her age. The power of giving hugs is really not something you can measure with any accuracy, but I am quite certain that it’s something that no one should have to go without…both for the hugger and the huggee. If it’s the last thing you ever do, hug someone, because that is not only a mental memory, but a physical one too. Sometimes hugs don’t always come in packaging that looks like a hug, but is really a hug in disguise. Pay attention to those touches that are really hugs in disguise, because they are just as important, like the “high-fives” Younger Son is so fond of giving out. My kids don’t like to be hugged either, but they will tolerate an arm around their shoulders, a pat on the back, etc. It’s nothing hard to incorporate into your life…make the effort. Even if your kids don’t return a hug, they still need them.

Something I’ve discovered as being important to me is just the quiet touch of having your hand held. I am so very lucky that The Flirt likes to go shopping, and he likes to hold hands while we shop. My ex husband wasn’t into small physical expressions of affection like that, and I didn’t realized how completely starved for it I had been. Some would say it’s a small thing, but small things mean a lot. Last night I went over to his house to watch movies and, while we didn’t necessarily sit right up against each other, at one point he reached his foot over and put his toes on top of mine.  Not playing footsie, but kind of a hand-holding except with feet. It was a sweet gesture, and I dig sweet little gestures like that.

Here’s hoping that you have lots and lots of hugs and hand-holding in your lives. It’s made all the difference in mine.

Reasons to watch the Super Bowl when you don’t like football

Football is not one of my favorite sports. I do like to watch when Younger Son plays, and I am always up to watching the UND Fighting Sioux play any sport. However, it’s not a sport I understand so well, or have any emotion for.

So what to do when this big event is happening if you could really care less who wins, let alone about the game in general? Here’s a list reasons to watch the Super Bowl, whether you like football or not.

1.The commercials – Companies pay big bucks to wow us during this big event, and generally come up with some pretty imaginative stuff. I’m looking forward to what they’ve come up with this year.

2. The National Anthem sung live – I’m a sucker for our National Anthem, and I love to hear it done well. This year, I just heard Kelly Clarkson, backed up by a children’s choir and drum band, sing a fabulous rendition of it. A+!

3. Since you don’t like football, and won’t be watching the actual game, it’s a great time to get stuff done around the house, between the commercials: I’m a big fan of what I like to call “Commercial Cleanup”, where you get up and do chores while commercials are on, especially if you have been waiting for a particular show and don’t want to miss it. In the case of the Super Bowl, I just turn it around and make sure I come back to the living room in time for the commercials. It’s a win-win!

4. If you have been invited to hang out with friends for the Super Bowl, no reason to stay home if you don’t care for the game:

A. Take a hand craft with you – I love to crochet, and those types of projects are small enough you can take them with you and work on it between the commercials

B. You are not alone…there will most likely be another friend at the party who could care less about the game, and would love to chat, play cards, etc…

C. Super Bowl food is fabulous. That alone is reason enough to sit through hours of a game that just does nothing for you. Make sure to take lots of whatever you are bringing,  go hungry, and  leave happy!

5. Halftime entertainment: There is always something interesting to see during half-time, and I am not talking about costume malfunctions. The entertainment is usually decent and is at least worth checking out.

Well, there it is… just a few reasons to watch the Super Bowl, when you generally could really care less about the game. Here’s wishing you a good time, and for those who do enjoy the game, I hope your team wins!

 

 

When granny has lust in her eye…

I am generally of the opinion that you are really only as young as you want to be in your head, but sometimes things happen that just stop that happy train of thought right in its tracks.

I had the strangest experience tonight. I picked Younger Son up from practice tonight after I got off of work, and we made a quick run to the grocery store.  We split up so as to make the shopping go quicker, and I was standing a couple of isles away from him when I ran into an old friend of mine. She took a job at another company and I hardly ever see her anymore, so we stood and chatted for a few minutes. Younger Son came up behind me, so I introduced him to my friend and then she said something that blew my mind:

“Oh my, I noticed him in the other row, and admired that he was wearing shorts. What a good-looking young man!”

When she realized that what she’d said out loud, and that she’d said it with such frank appreciation of his looks, she quickly change the subject. Now, I know that at some point soon I am doing to have to beat the girls off with a bat. Younger Son is almost 17, and is a good-looking boy. Older Son is pretty cute too…I’m a lucky Mom that way. However, when my friend, who is a grandmother, starts ogling my kid with something akin to lust in her eye, it’s quite a revelation.

First I had to get used to the idea that I had kids old enough to shave.

Then they started driving.

Now I’ve seen someone older than me look at my child with lust on her face. I can’t decide if I should be proud enough to burst, or if I should make sure he doesn’t wear shorts in public any more. Perhaps a nice ankle-length jacket would be helpful here too.

Or, I could just suck it up because I am almost 43, and I am, in fact, old enough to have kids who are lusted after by other people. I’m guessing that sucking it up would be less effort, but it sure has been a shock to my system!

 

 

Where does the madness end?

So, I get an email from my lawyer last night letting me know that my ex is up to shenanigans that put him in contempt of court. She would like to put into motion to prosecute him for this.

My question is, where does the madness end?

Don’t get me wrong…my lawyer has done a fabulous job for me, and I am in a better spot because of her diligent work and sharp mind. Not only is she wickedly smart, but she is a hunter, and she’s got my ex-husband’s scent in her nose. What she’d really like to do now is almost the equivalent of sinking him up to his ankles in cement and roll over him with any large vehicle. Repeatedly.

She looks at me a little funny when I tell her that I am not interested in being that “gold digging ex-wife”, that you hear so many men complain of. In this instance, I just want what was promised to me, but he has his lawyer come back with all of these different motions and paperwork that just keep the process going, and going and going. He just can’t leave well enough alone, even though I won in court originally. His persistence in pestering me is doing nothing more than costing us both money we don’t have, and making life harder for all of us, even the kids.

One of the things he took me to court over was that he doesn’t get enough time with the children. What I found out is that he quit his 2nd job, and has been free to call them or visit with them in the evenings all he wanted to since this summer…but he chose not to, and he says that it’s my fault they don’t spend more time with him. Hmm…for that alone, I should throw the book at him. But, if I choose to throw the book at him, how does that make me any better than him?

I am SO tired of this mess, I don’t even have the words to describe it.

Well, what to do about it? I suppose I’ll go through the documentation again and make a decision: more court or no more court?  At this point, I’m opting for no more court. I keep thinking about that fact that I have to be able to look at myself in the mirror. When I get up in the morning, I want to be able to live with the face I see…I want to know that I did everything I could to take the high road and not to let myself get dragged down in the muck.

All of this talk of court battles and my ex husband has really been a downer, and I apologize. In effort to lighten the mood a little I’d like to share a picture I found on Facebook today, because it’s FABULOUS. I want a paint job on my vehicle like this when I grow up:

I have a LOT of awesome things I want to do when I grow up, and when my life really gets to start again. I’ve got a bit of a head start on living for myself, but there is so much to see and do…so many things I want to learn. Lots of little things I want to discover and relish. Lots of big things I want to be amazed at. I am so looking forward to jumping back into my own life and this picture kind of got that notion revved up in my head this morning.

I want to experience more joy in life, and less of the day-to-day hum drum existence. I want to do “all the awesome shit I said I’d do”, when I was younger. I keep telling myself that once Younger Son has graduated, I will have accomplished having raised my kids, and I can really start living for myself. I know that parenting doesn’t end, but it does change. I think instead of waiting for that fixed point in time, I can really find small ways to get a head start. Spending time with The Flirt has been a bit of a beginning…we’ll see what I can do to build on that.

Here’s hoping you all have a little Animal in you that feeds your desire to live life to the fullest you can, no matter what your circumstances. I’m hoping to let mine out a little more every day!

 

Counting blessings between the sneezes

The creeping crud: it got me!

Today was supposed to be a day of fun including shopping, and watching of the Superbowl with The Flirt. Two things happened to prevent these activities today; the Superbowl isn’t until next weekend, I now hear, and this morning I woke up sick. Yep…the local cold bug finally caught up to me in spectacular fashion. I will count my blessings that I haven’t had a cold like this in quite a while. Older Son was kind enough to grab me some Puffs with Lotion in them today, and that will save my nose any more misery than it need suffer already. I took a nice hot bath, ate some soup, and cancelled my plans for the day. Time to sit around and just veg.

I was looking at “This Week in Pictures” at MSNBC on-line. There are so many pictures of people enduring terrible hardships, just in the process of getting along in their lives, that it made me feel instantly ashamed that I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself having to skip my plans with The Flirt. It’s one thing to hear about someone else’s situation, but it’s another thing altogether to see it in a picture. I imagine it’s even a different thing altogether to witness it first hand. I encourage you to follow the link above to see just what I am talking about. There are some positive pictures sprinkled throughout this week’s collection, but the tragic ones struck me today, in particular, because I really have nothing to complain about…yet, here I sat wallowing in my own pity party.

Well, enough of that.

It gave me pause to think about all of the things I have to be grateful for today.  The first example I have is this new frozen soup mix I’ve discovered: Bertoli Roasted Chicken & Rotini Pasta. I’ve actually tried all of the different flavors, and they are all tasty, and easy to prepare. I ate two bowls full of this soup today, and it was heavenly. Felt like I’d had a home cooked meal, and I didn’t have to do anything but add water and bring to a boil.

The second thing I’m really grateful for is my trusty tweezers. My Faithful Readers will recall that I discovered several black hairs growing from my poor innocent chin, and I was forced to dispatch them with all haste and vengeance. Apparently one of the little buggers had decided to make another try for it, so I had to mercilessly kill it again. I’m rather violent that way, I’m afraid…bye, bye little vermin!

When I got up this morning, I was alone and it was a little chilly in the house. I turned on the tv, sat down and pulled the afghan up to my chin. Harley curled up on my lap and instantly warmed me up. He sat on my lap keeping me warm as I sat up waiting for Older Son to get off of work last night. He’s growing into his role as Professional Lap Warmer very admirably, which is exactly what I wanted.

It snowed today, but we have precious little snow on the ground already. Last week we had a few days where the temps hit at least 45+ degrees, which is unheard of for January weather. I feel more than a little spoiled, and I know that not having any snow could cause drought this summer, but after all of the water we dealt with last year, I think I won’t complain too much. We still have two months of winter left, and we will most likely have at least a couple more blizzards before the season is done. I’m just grateful that my snow shovels have been gathering dust in recent days.

I have this fabulous new fuzzy blanket, that I bought at the Red Big Box Store. Not only is it soft, but it’s been keeping me very warm at night in my cold bedroom. For some reason, my room is very cold, even though the new windows have done a good job keeping the drafts out, and this new blanket is so very warm. I haven’t slept so well in such a long time.

So there it is…some of the many blessings I have to count for myself on this sneezy day. I hope you can count as many blessings in your life, or more, today.

Forming attachments is dangerous

I haven’t talked about The Flirt much in recent posts, mostly because I’ve been spending so much time with him that I haven’t had time to post much. The fact is, I’ve gotten pretty attached to him. Dangerously so.

Why would becoming attached to someone be dangerous? Because nothing good ever lasts, just like nothing bad ever lasts forever.

As it turns out, The Flirt got a new job. A fabulously high-paying job, typical of the kind of jobs that support the oil industry. This is a very good thing. Unfortunately, it means he will be moving away in the coming weeks, as the job is 75 miles away. He will commute daily until he can find a place closer, but he will leave. It’s not unexpected…I knew this was coming, but it’s still crappy to think about.

The good news is that neither one of us is willing to let the other go just because of a little distance. We’re both so busy that a little distance will probably be a good thing, and it’s not going to be a big deal.

But, I will miss him when he’s gone.

I’ve been telling myself I was stupid to let myself get attached, but the truth is that I was tired of living in a world that was all gray tones and no color. Now that I’ve had a taste of what life can be like when I am living for me, too, and not just for everyone else I’m not terribly willing to give that up. Oh well…as things are going in a new directions, I will just roll with it. What will be will be, and there’s no sense worrying about it.

One day at a time, living dangerously on the High Plains…

Saturday mish-mash

I sure have missed my blog.

Generally, my problem has been that I have a terrible case of writer’s block and can’t write. Recently, though, I’ve just not had the time. Today I have a few precious hours to myself as I don’t work until later this morning, and the boys won’t be reading over my shoulder as Older is still sleeping and Younger is at work. It’s just me, the cat and my coffee….ahhhhh!

I’ve had so much going on that I find I have an over abundance of things to write about, so I will just babble until I run out of stuff, or run out of time. Here goes:

Yesterday I asked my Dad about blogging again. I’ve been pestering him about it recently as I think he’d be really good at it, but he is resisting. I don’t know if he doesn’t think he has anything to say, or if he doesn’t want to be tied to it and feel obligated to keep up with it daily, but he flat refuses. It’s a crying shame as he has a keen intellect and plenty of interesting opinions. Personally, I think he might be a blogging addict once he got started, and I’m going to keep working on him.  I’m going to pester my Mom too. She can be wickedly funny, and I’m betting that she might like blogging too, if I can just get her started.

My Dad recently has begun to tell stories from his youth that I’ve not heard in all of my almost 43 years. Mom has always told me things about from when she was growing up, and I would imagine that she has more to tell. I’d like to get my parents to commit as many of these stories as they can to some form of permanent media, whether it’s paper or digital.

My kids have not read my blog, that I am aware of, and I am hoping that it will serve as a window into my perspective for them when they get to be older. I should take my own good advice and get on the stick and write about my childhood too, and perhaps this blog is the best spot for that.  I should also write about my kids’ childhoods. There will be a lot they don’t remember, or never knew.  I’ve been looking for a direction to take this blog, and perhaps that is it. Mixing the old and the new, comparing the happenings of today with stories from the past? Much food for thought there.

So what’s new in my little corner of The High Plains? Well, I’ve been working at The Red Big Box Store since just before Christmas, and it is a VAST improvement over The Blue Big Box Store. Not only do they have a very good sense of organization and communication, but it’s so much cleaner. Just about the only thing I have to complain about is how they do their scheduling. So far, it hasn’t been enough to make me want to leave, though, so I’ll hang with it. I also got a promotion at the Cube Farm. I’m going to a department that I worked in before, and I’ll be working for a lady who is just the bee’s knees fabulous. The job I have been in since my last one was liquidated is good, and I have amazing people to work with, but I have been feeling stagnant and bored with it. This new job will give me the variety I need and a lot of opportunity for growth. It also has the added bonus of a little extra pay, so I’m hoping to drop down my hours at The Red Box Store, which will give me some more time at home.

Speaking of home, not much has been done in the home improvement department…just not much time, and the weather has been terrible. Tomorrow, I’m going to be a Domestic Goddess and do laundry until my washer and dryer cry for mercy. I’m also going to do some basement organization so that everything is ready for the next phase of the remodel: The Pantry!  I’ve already got some extra non perishables stocked up, just waiting for a place to go. I can’t wait to get my new pantry filled up! Being prepared for emergencies is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind, and something I’ve not been able to do much about. If a person has a well stocked pantry groceries (and other household necessities) are going to be the least of your worries if something catastrophic happens. This is what a lot of people call “prepping”. It’s another topic I will be blogging heavily about in the coming year, and something you can definitely hear more about if you check out Jack Spirko at   The Survival Podcast. Jack is an interesting guy who has a lot of great ideas about how to live a good, and well prepared, life.  More about that topic later.

Well, my coffee has run out, and Older Son has risen from his man cave. Time to get showered and get on with my day!