There comes a time…

…when you have to decide to fish or cut bait.

You see, I’ve hit a bit of a snag in my life, and I need to determine if what I have on my line is worth saving, or if I just need to cut the line and start fresh.

It’s very interesting to stand at an obvious fork in the road, and stare down both directions. I can see several outcomes with the one, including ending up back at this same intersection. I’ve been at this crossroads before and made the decision to try again on the same road I came from, only to end up in exactly the same place almost exactly a year later.  It’s a long, slow, anesthetizing loop.

Looking down the other road, I can’t see much. It’s fascinating to me that this less traveled path is the more tempting. It’s a little scary, and so terribly tempting.

I think the questions I have to answer for myself are: Who am I? Who do I want to be? How do I want to move through this world? What is it that I want out of my life? What do I want from others who choose to travel it with me?

One thing for sure, I stand to lose some people if I choose to go down that fresh new road. What I lose if I take this same path again is my self respect, and that is the larger issue.

I’m pushing 50 pretty hard, and I’m squarely at the middle of mid life. I REALLY enjoy this time in my life. I get up and do what I want, when I want, with who I want… or not at all. The last several years have been a big beautiful explosion of activity and travel, allowing me to check all kinds of things off of my Bucket List. So many places traveled, so many new things seen, and music heard. I needed that. It was a vibrant chapter in my life that is a bit of a combination of sewing wild oats, and rediscovering myself. It took me several years to figure out that I’d let sense of self become so entwined in another, that I let that self discovery go on hold without even realizing I was doing it.

It takes a while to figure out who you are sometimes. We humans are works of art in progress, and some of us are so very lucky to be able to spend time with folks who help us enjoy life. They can also help us understand where our boundaries are, and what we are willing to put up with…or not.

It’s fair to say that within the last year or so, I’ve been feeling the need to reel in the line I’ve cast out. Sometimes a person needs to quit fishing around, and just be. How lovely would it be for me to expand on the inside, instead of on the outside?

I think one of the things I have been bumping up against is that I’ve not done much internal expansion in a while. The company you keep can often aid, or hinder, your growth. Now, I see that I am standing in my own way, and I need to make the decision to change the company I keep.


It’s going to hurt, and I will feel awful for a while.

I won’t regret it.

Hard conversations are coming and feelings are going to be hurt, including mine. Change comes at a cost, but so does stagnation.

Here’s to paying attention to one’s gut. It never lies, and will keep telling you the truth until you listen. Blessings all!


Housework checklist for the determined procrastinator

Well, The Flirt will be calling soon wanting to know when I will be ready to go. Since I chose to be terribly unproductive last night and this morning, I have to get a move on and get a few things done. How to get all of my housework and laundry done in just a few hours? Well, I have a bit of system.

1. Squirt cleaner into the toilet bowl

2. Hang the bathroom rugs outside after shaking vigorously (cough, gag, wheeze. Good grief, it’s been awhile!)

3. Sort laundry and get a load going. (Good grief, I should have done this first)

4. Sweep bathroom, spray it down and scrub all surfaces and fixtures (Oh, it really has been awhile. Ugh…)

5. Take hallway rug outside, shake vigorously, and bring bathroom rugs in and put back into the bathroom.

One room done!

6. Straighten up bedroom, don’t get distracted by the dust…too many other tasks to get done. (OMG… the Dust Fairy was way too generous on her last stop through. Can someone please fire that nasty little pixie?)

7. Get out overnight bag and throw some stuff in it. Don’t forget swimming attire for the hot tub at the hotel tonight (oh crap, none of this fits… suck it in. It will stretch when it gets wet!)

8. Bring in hallway rug. Sprinkle homemade carpet freshener on rugs in bedroom and hallway.

9. Do dishes. Oh wait, there’s my coffee. Yay for coffee!

10. Sit down to finish cold coffee (waste not, want not, right?)

11. Blog about stuff I did in the house while slurping coffee. It’s ok, because the laundry is washing, and the carpets are being deodorized, so I’m multitasking. (That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it)

Hm. Coffee is gone. Well, time to get to the rest of the list. Daylight’s burning!

May you all find small moments in your busy day to take a quick break. You’re worth it!

Olympic Coffee Slurping

… a.k.a. procrastination. I’m a champion in this particular sport.

I was supposed to go to Curves this morning, but I over did it yesterday. So, I stayed home and did yoga this morning, and I feel better for having stretched out.

It makes me feel a little accomplished that I actually got up and did something right away this morning, but I have been sitting on my couch for the last hour blissfully slurping coffee, soaking up morning sunshine and reading blogs for an hour. I can’t decide if that should go into the “Feeding My Brain” category of worthwhile activities, or if it is just plain slothfulness. I think it goes solidly into the category of “Feeding My Soul”.

I have so much to do today. The laundry and housework won’t do itself, and there’s a bunch of that to get through before I leave the house this afternoon. My Flirt and I are going to look at mobile/modular homes at an indoor home show that are way too expensive, but are fun to walk through anyway. Then it’s off to see Rodney Carrington at 4 Bears Casino in New Town. We are staying over night, so I need to get packed.

I just really want to sit still, slurp coffee, and read.

I wonder if it is a product of getting older, that I am just less willing to be in a hurry, and feel like I want to curl up with a good book more than I want to get out and about. It could be due to the weather… winter always makes me feel like hibernating.

Regardless of what I want to do, I’d better get off my backside and get something done.

Well, maybe after I finish this last cup of coffee ☕️

Here’s wishing you all the space and time to just sit still and be, whether you are slurping coffee, some other delicious beverage, or nothing at all. Sometimes just sitting still and doing something quiet to feed your soul is just what the Dr. ordered. Blessings all!

Thinking about shacking up

I’m sitting in my living room sipping coffee, as per usual on a Sunday morning, and I am so grateful for the peace and quiet. I know it will be short lived… I can hear my Flirt waking up down the hall in my bedroom.

He generally doesn’t stay over, but last night he and his Giant Dog crashed at my place and it was nice not to sleep alone. I have been an empty nester for about 6 months now and I can’t say that I hate it, even though I miss my kids. There’s potential for my Flirt to move in some time down the road, and we are taking some trial runs at it. I like having him around, and the dog too.

We will see. It’s tough integrating two adults with vastly different ideas about how things should work into one functioning household. When people don’t talk things through, and then just expect things to go right anyway, it’s really a pretty big silent disaster. I had 17 years of that as a married woman, and it’s something I don’t ever want to experience again.

For right now, playing house once in a while is good enough. Proper integration takes time and good planning. We will see how that goes.

Here’s hoping you are happy and content with wherever you live, and whoever you live with.

Good bye, sushi…

Today, I signed up with Curves. It’s long past time that I get back on the exercise horse, eat better, feel better, and lose the weight I’ve steadily been gaining for the last couple of years. 

This last year especially has been stressful and, being a stress eater, my go-to poison of choice is any carbohydrate I can consume. It’s like edible anestheia, just numbing me up so I don’t have feel so much except for what I’m chewing and swallowing. Even just the thought of sitting down to a lovely plate of sushi sends my endorphins sky high.

Sushi has become my go-to food of choice when I eat out, especially when I’m alone. What a guilty pleasure! Even though there are plenty of vegetables, it’s still full of rice, which isn’t helping me any. 

Today, I’m having my last order of sushi for a while. It’s a celebratory supper as I start down a new path. 

Today’s order is a Dragon Roll, and Spicy Shrimp with cream cheese. So yummy!!!

Every new journey requires something to be sacrificed. To go forward something needs to be left behind, because if you try to drag everything with you, it will just drag you down. Sushi, and foods I like to grab when I’m on the run (OMG, I will miss Taco John’s potato oles!), are going to have to be those things I jettison from my regular routine in order to live happier. 

What else can I get rid of to lighten the load? 

So much, just so much. More to come on that. 

For now, it’s goodbye sushi. I loved you a little too well, and it’s time to part ways.

Here’s hoping you all can identify those things that no longer serve you, and that you find the bravery to kick them to the curb. Blessings all!

A good beer, an emergency, and a new job…oh my!

Well, it certainly has been an eventful autumn, and I’ve had a nasty case of writer’s block. Tonight, I decided to venture out to see if I could find a way to articulate what’s been rolling around my brain pan. 

In September, Older Son moved out of this house and in with some friends. It was time. He will be 25 soon, and it’s long past time for him to get out into life and live it. He just recently he adopted a cat, and seems to be settled and content with life. It was a little strange becoming an empty nester, but it’s good. I am slowly going through things and getting rid of everything I don’t use. Once I get done thinning out, I will be going forward with a project to turn the basement Man Cave into a Girl Cave. It will be nice to have a space to put up my sewing machine, and have a space to do projects in.  More to come on that as things progress. 

In November, Younger Son came home for Thanksgiving. It was the first proper Thanksgiving we’d had in quite a few years, and a good time was had by all. 

As sometimes happens, work got really strange over the Summer and Fall, and it got pretty awful. Everything was on fire all the time and was so stressful, I decided to get a new job. So, I applied for a new job within my company and got it. I miss the people in my old department, but I don’t miss the constant fire stomping or the politics. My new department is bright and happy, I have good people to work with,  and good work to do. A person can’t ask for much more. 

Well, except for good health. Especially when it comes to your loved ones. 

My Mom has experienced some memory issues in recent years, and I wasn’t sure if the medication she’d been taking was causing it, or if she was having onset of dementia. In the middle of December I got a text from my Dad in the middle of the day letting me know that Mom was in the ER after having a stroke. 

Mom had a stroke…. !

I quickly finished up what I was doing  at work and rushed to the ER. She was awake and alert, and luckily it was a small stroke. The bad news is that it affected her dominant side. Long story short, she was admitted to the hospital for several days, then to rehab to get therapy for her affected limbs so she would be able to come home. She is home now, and after three weeks of being home, she is still having trouble with the one hand and foot, but her speech is cleared up, and she uses the walker less. I am really grateful that she is doing better, because that could have been a whole lot worse. 

All that transpired between the time she went in and the time she came home was quite a ride, and I’ll write more about that later. 

At this moment, I’m curled up in my awesome bed, in between its smooth warm sheets, and I’m sipping a beer. Yes, it’s a strange place to be imbibing in such a beverage, but I just didn’t feel like hanging out anywhere else in the house late at night.  If you like dark beer, especially beer that has been aged in bourbon barrels, you will love Founders Backwoods Bastard. It’s rich, and has a good deep flavor. It’s got my stamp of approval! 

Here’s wishing you all good work, healthy families, and amazing beverages! Blessing all!

Finding myself in my junk

Today I am finally making time to unpack some things that have been put away for so long that I have forgotten what all I have. It just an hour I was able to clean off  and reorganize a large metal shelf, and go through a few totes. I was lucky enough to find many things that just need washing up and donating, and bunch of derelict things that just needed to be thrown away. Good thing tomorrow is garbage day.

I also found a few things that took me down a strange memory lane. These are things I have hung on to solely for sentimental reasons. I have always said that I will find something to do with these objects, but I never really do. Now that I am really cleaning out, I really do need to find a place for these things in my home that is worthy of them.

First is a group of really old, really soft pillow cases, which have been embroidered on. I am not sure who did the embroidery, but I know that it was by my Grandmother, her sister (the famous Aunty B.), or their mother, Great Grandma L. img_3434.jpgI have always thought that to use them would be the best thing to do, but I can’t bring myself to do so them for fear that they will wear away and the stitching  will come out, causing these beautiful pieces of antique handwork to be destroyed.

I find it appalling that I have left them in a tote, or some other such container, for so many years. Having dug through Pinterest, I think I have found a solution. It seems I am not alone in my wish to find a use for these without harming them. Many people are hanging them up as artwork, and I think I will so the same. My spare room will be the perfect place to hang them up until I have access to my Older Son’s room. He is looking to move in with friends, and I’ll miss him but it’s long past time for him to move on with his life.

Speaking of Older Son, I found pieces of a baby blanket I was making when I was pregnant with him. It was the first time I attempted a corner granny square pattern, and IMG_3436didn’t do a very good job at it. Those pieces have been in a zippered plastic bag for longer than he has been alive, and he is now 24. After he was born,  I just all of a sudden hated the colors, and so it went into the bag unfinished.

Now I look at it and wonder if these can be salvaged. It occurs to me that perhaps I could make a shawl out of them just to wear around the house. Or, I could finish the actual blanket and keep it for when Older Son may have his own kids.  I’ll need to block the pieces so they aren’t so misshapen, and hopefully I can make something usable out of them. It should make a quick winter project. I may just have to say goodbye to these crooked little shapes, and move on. More to come on that.

I wonder what else I will find in the next hour of rummaging through my very voluminous pile of dust collecting things stashed in my basement? It will be an adventure for sure. I know I am guaranteed to find more of what I call “pots of poison”, which are things that belonged to my ex husband, but I will just gather those up and send them to his house when Older Son goes to visit. Easy enough to get rid of, and so I should stop referring to them as poison, which mostly will kill a person.

Here’s hoping you find treasures in your homes that make you smile, and feel nostalgia for times and people who are no longer around, and not so much stuff that brings back bad memories. Either way, it’s just stuff and stuff that brings bad memories can be disposed of in many ways. Blessings all!