Today’s self care moment


I had extra time this morning, so I stopped at one of my favorite local shops, Minot Daily Bread, picked up a scone and a coffee, and took them to Scandinavian Heritage Park.

It’s so quiet here, even with the traffic from Broadway, and the pine trees smell so good. It feels great to sit here and sip my amazing blackberry lavender mocha, and just breathe. This is what self care looks like for me today.

This is a place I used to come to a lot, and I think I’m going to start coming here more often. It’s especially nice on cool mornings like this, and it’s big enough I could come walking here. What a lovely local resource. ❤️

What does self care look like for you today? Here’s hoping you all can take a few minutes for yourself to recharge. Life is too short not to. Blessings all!

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Small victories


It’s been a long, useless week at work, Faithful Readers.

It’s been the kind of week that leaves you feeling completely worthless, because you are continually busy but nothing really worthwhile can be accomplished. Today, I gave up worrying about it and, as I told my friend at work, I just needed to change the way I was thinking and be grateful any little thing gets done. Something is better than nothing, no matter how small the task.

So, I plod along and pick up little chores between other things that land on my desk. Gratefully, tomorrow is Friday and I will have a nice long day to get serious amounts of things don’t at my house.

I’d like to say that I’ve eaten supper and now I’m sitting here contemplating my next move here at home. What is really happening is I scarfed down some bean chips (chili lime flavored… yum!) with some red pepper hummus, and now I am slurping a nice glass of white wine while studiously procrastinating. It’s all about the spin… lol

There is a serious butt-load of housework to do, plus all of the outdoor stuff that needs doing. Prime example is the last tote full of paper I found in the basement that needs dealing with. I also need to put away my stuff from the shawl I made. Laundry is hollering at me from the basement. I just need to pick something.

As for the outdoor chores, that can wait until Saturday morning. The lawn got mowed last night, and that will have to suffice for now.

Well, I blathered on now for a good ten minutes, just long enough to finish my nice glass of wine (Apothic White, for any of my wine lovers out there), and now it’s time to get up and do something.

Thank you for stopping by while I take a few minutes just to hang out with you guys. Here’s hoping you all find small pockets of meaningful work in days where everything gets thrown up in the air like confetti. Small victories count. Blessings all!


It’s been a long, useless week at work, Faithful Readers.

It’s been the kind of week that leaves you feeling completely worthless, because you are continually busy but nothing really worthwhile can be accomplished. Today, I gave up worrying about it and, as I told my friend at work, I just needed to change the way I was thinking and be grateful any little thing gets done. Something is better than nothing, no matter how small the task.

So, I plod along and pick up little chores between other things that land on my desk. Gratefully, tomorrow is Friday and I will have a nice long day to get serious amounts of things don’t at my house.

I’d like to say that I’ve eaten supper and now I’m sitting here contemplating my next move here at home. What is really happening is I scarfed down some bean chips (chili lime flavored… yum!) with some red pepper hummus, and now I am slurping a nice glass of white wine while studiously procrastinating. It’s all about the spin… lol

There is a serious butt-load of housework to do, plus all of the outdoor stuff that needs doing. Prime example is the last tote full of paper I found in the basement that needs dealing with. I also need to put away my stuff from the shawl I made. Laundry is hollering at me from the basement. I just need to pick something.

As for the outdoor chores, that can wait until Saturday morning. The lawn got mowed last night, and that will have to suffice for now.

Well, I blathered on now for a good ten minutes, just long enough to finish my nice glass of wine (Apothic White, for any of my wine lovers out there), and now it’s time to get up and do something.

Thank you for stopping by while I take a few minutes just to hang out with you guys. Here’s hoping you all find small pockets of meaningful work in days where everything gets thrown up in the air like confetti. Small victories count. Blessings all!

When the fog lifts…


Yesterday’s post was a little raw for my comfort, but getting it out seemed to be quite the thing to get the last of the fog to lift. Thanks for your patience❤️

Today is better. I’m sitting in my favorite blogging spot by the window, and it’s not lost on me that I enjoy blogging with the light streaming in on me there. Shining a light in a dark corner helps, especially when it’s in the inside of your head.

I was lucky enough to have a good chat with my brother last night. We don’t get to chat often, but it’s nice when we do. They just sold their farm, and were cleaning out the last of the stuff stored in the garage. He found some family items that he was curious to know if I wanted.

Given that I am trying to clear out my own space, I said thanks but no. I did find it a little easier to say no than I would have in previous years, but it was weird saying no to items that were made by, or belonged to, dearly departed relatives.

I’ve been giving away antique things I’ve inherited, just because it’s nothing my kids want, and I’m never home enough to use them. It’s better to pass those things on so they get used rather than have them take up space and gather dust in my house.

Today I’m visiting my parents, and Mom doesn’t know it yet, but her bathroom is getting cleaned this afternoon. She has a hard time with the cleaning now, but she doesn’t like other people touching her stuff. Well, it’s going to get touched and scrubbed today.

My mother has a formidable personality, and a temper that quickly ignites. I am not a religious person, and neither is my brother, but knowing what I would be facing today I asked him to pray for me, or send good vibes, warm fuzzies… anything would help. He replied that while he isn’t religious he prays every day to whomever it is that listens, or even if they don’t. It’s awesome that he has my back all those miles away.

Here’s hoping today finds the sun shining in any dark corners that need a spotlight. Don’t forget to ask for help if you need it, even if it’s just for good vibes from miles away. Every little bit helps. Blessings all!

When you feel like you are holding on by a string


I don’t talk about it here often, but I suffer from depression. I am like so many others who have similar issues, and while it has become very mainstream to let things all hang out in the public view I still have a difficult time speaking about my own experiences with anyone. I was trained from a very young age that airing your dirty laundry for everyone to see is a cardinal sin. Nobody cares that you are having a hard time, Sparrow. Suck it up and get on with things. You have responsibilities and no time for weakness or self pity.

I’ve become very, very good at hiding it. After years of stuffing things down and hiding it from everyone else, the seams get week it begins to leak out.

Lately I’ve become aware that it has creeped back into my life, slowly, insidiously, like some shadow in a horror flick. Except, there’s no creepy music to warn me that it is standing right behind me now.

I struggled to get up today, like I have for the last several weeks, but I made myself get up and do something. While straightening up in my living room, the ball of yarn attached to the shawl I’m making rolled off into the floor. I was struck by how well it illustrates how I feel, when previously I couldn’t begin to try to put words together to express it.

I’ve been feeling like I’m hanging on by a thread, not quite cut loose but kind of just waiting to be reeled in back to the main body of the yarn. Just waiting in a holding pattern. Just going through the motions.

Today I think I will reel myself back in, now that I realize what’s going on.

It’s going to be slow going, and I will have to be diligent in making sure I keep moving no matter what.

Slow motions count, even though slow slogging through life feels worthless and ineffectual. Sometimes I sit and curl up with the tv or phone, paralyzed with feeling worthless. What I forget is that even one room, or just even a corner of a room, or a drawer, cleaned up or organized makes your space better than what it previously had been.

It’s ok to give yourself credit for even the smallest victories. Collecting a lot of small blessings wraps up into something bigger.

I actually made mention to my boyfriend, The Flirt, that I was struggling, and why, today. I know it’s pretty awful if I was willing to say something out loud to him and ask for help with something that is overwhelming me. In the 7 years I’ve been seeing this man off and on, I don’t believe I’ve ever said anything to him. It felt awful, and terrifying, and relieving all at the same time.

Enough talking. Time to get up and do something. I have a bunch of small things I can pick away at today, and that will help.

I want to leave you with a message from a really great guy I have been following on Facebook. This video really caught my attention and gave me pause to think about my own situation. Please give this a watch, I promise it’s worth the time.

https://www.facebook.com/tillamookdairyfarmer/videos/2201382613486882?s=1619127355&v=e&sfns=mo

Here’s hoping this message finds its way to anyone who needs to hear it, and that it helps. It’s ok to ask for help, even if it is for the smallest task. Blessings all.

When your dreams get your attention


Normally I don’t remember my dreams, but the one I was having just before my alarm woke me up stuck with me.

I was dreaming that our local Air Force base got nuked, and I was trapped and unprepared in my own home. Getting caught short unprepared for any situation is never good, nuclear explosion notwithstanding.

Generally I find that my brain will take smalls bit of information and roll it up into a nightmarish story designed to get my attention. I have very few of these sorts of dreams, but they always stick with me. I can count a good handful of dreams I can remember, and none of them are good.

The last one I remember like this, someone came to me in the guise of Mad Eye Moody, and he looked me right in the eye and let me know bad things were coming. The time to do something is now. It wasn’t Mad Eye Moody, though. I have suspicions on who I think it was, but I’ll keep that to myself for now.

Needless to say, I didn’t heed the warning and I was caught very unprepared with a surprise divorce a few months later.

I’ve had this really weird feeling that something is coming. Time to get off my ass and get prepared for whatever.

For now, I will quietly re-stock my naked pantry with as much non-perishables I can, and this winter will be spent getting my basement workshop back into shape. I have a plan, and that is half the battle.

Here’s hoping you have a plan, for whatever needs it. Baby steps are good, and you have to start somewhere. Blessings all.

Thoughts from the back of a motorcycle


Tonight we went on a motorcycle ride along with some other folks.

My Flirt’s new bike (new to him, 2012 Harley CVO) doesn’t have a radio, so there’s not much to keep your mind busy other than your own thoughts. That’s ok…it’s a nice chance to let things filter through. It’s no wonder he rides for hours when he’s had a bad day, or just needs the space to work things out on this head.

We had a nice trip from Minot to Kramer, and then through Dunseith, down through Rugby, and back to Minot. Several thoughts rolled through my head during this trip:

  1. I love North Dakota. So many people come through here and whine because it’s too flat, not enough of what they want to do, not enough people, blah, blah, blah. It’s beautiful year round, and bursting full of nice people, and there is ALWAYS something to do. It’s a good place to live, and a great place to explore on a motorcycle.
  2. My backside just wasn’t built to ride all day. His either, it turns out. We were both hurting by the time we got back home. I’m not a “ride or die” chick, I’m a short trip gal, and that’s ok.
  3. I really love this time of year. Everything is ripening, and farmers are already starting to get harvest under way. My favorites are blue flax and sunflower fields. Yellow flowered Canola fields are beautiful too, but wow do they stink. Pew!
  4. Something no biker, or rider, likes to see is storm clouds. Riding in rain is no fun. We’ve been caught in heavy rain and hail, and that sucked badly. We kept an eye on the radar, and were able to make it home without getting wet this time. Whew!
  5. The Flirt is always telling me how great it would be if I got a bike too. Could I ride my own? Sure, I could learn how and get a license. Do I want the debt from buying a motorcycle? No. I don’t even have a garage to put one in.
  6. We meet a lot of interesting people while out on a ride. When stopped to take a break in Rugby, we met this elderly guy who told us everything about him but his name. He was quite a storyteller, and I was glad to have crossed paths with him.
  7. I love to take pictures from the back seat. Tonight’s clouds were beautiful. The storms missed us, and the setting sun glowing on the back side of the storm clouds was stunning. My crappy iPhone camera just can’t do it justice.
  8. Pro tip: wear your helmet. Better yet, spend the money on a good one with a visor. The bugs are hard and juicy all at the same time, and you don’t want that on your face. I made the mistake of leaving my visor up, and took a hard bug to the nose. That hurt, but thank goodness I didn’t get it in my eye. Regular bugs are one thing, but bees and dragon flies are a whole other level of pain. Seriously, just wear a helmet. If not to save your face from the bugs, then at least to save your brain if you have an accident.

Here’s hoping you all have the opportunity to go for a drive in the country, whether driving a car, a motorcycle, or bike. It’s peaceful, and relaxing. Blessings all!

Gift giving without fear


Today I will get really close to finishing a shawl I’m making for a friend, and I’m pretty happy with how it’s coming along. But… I feel more than a little trepidation at giving this shawl to the person it’s supposed to go to.

To be honest, I feel a little of this fear every time I make a gift for someone. Mostly the people receiving these handmade gifts seem to really appreciate them. I generally never get to see them in use, so I take it in faith that they really did appreciate the gifts and use them. Once given, the fear dissipates, and I feel better.

This one, though… the last gift I gave this person she immediately picked apart. It was quite absent minded, as though the filter that normally keeps your inside thoughts from leaking out just failed. Even though it was store bought, not hand made, it was still super hurtful even though I know she didn’t mean to be hurtful on purpose. I’d forgotten that part of her nature is to be critical of every single thing, and she really doesn’t even realize she’s doing it.

Don’t get me wrong, this is a person I love dearly. I don’t get to see her often, and I wish I got to see her more. Next time I see her though, pushing back on the constant criticism will be something I don’t feel so shy about. We will see how this gift is received. She may not receive another.

My take away from this is that when you make a gift for someone, you are creating a blessing with your own two hands. What the receivers of those gifts do with those gifts doesn’t matter. If they can’t appreciate it, or at least pretend to, that is on them.

So, Faithful Readers, create away. Give those handmade blessings with wild, carefree, abandon and pay no attention to those who can’t be bothered to appreciate the work that goes into it. Those few will be the ones who don’t receive those very special gifts going forward.

Blessings all!

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