Finding myself in my junk


Today I am finally making time to unpack some things that have been put away for so long that I have forgotten what all I have. It just an hour I was able to clean off  and reorganize a large metal shelf, and go through a few totes. I was lucky enough to find many things that just need washing up and donating, and bunch of derelict things that just needed to be thrown away. Good thing tomorrow is garbage day.

I also found a few things that took me down a strange memory lane. These are things I have hung on to solely for sentimental reasons. I have always said that I will find something to do with these objects, but I never really do. Now that I am really cleaning out, I really do need to find a place for these things in my home that is worthy of them.

First is a group of really old, really soft pillow cases, which have been embroidered on. I am not sure who did the embroidery, but I know that it was by my Grandmother, her sister the famous Aunty B., or their mother, Great Grandma L. img_3434.jpgI have always thought that to use them would be the best thing to go, but I can’t bring myself to use them for fear that they will wear away and the stitching  will come out causing these beautiful pieces of antique handwork to be destroyed.

I find it appalling that I have left them in a tote, or some other such container, for so many years. Having dug through Pinterest, I think I have found a solution. It seems I am not alone in my wish to find a use for these without harming them. Many people are hanging them up as artwork, and I think I will so the same. My spare room will be the perfect place to hang them up until I have access to my Older Son’s room. He is looking to move in with friends, and I’ll miss him but it’s long past time for him to move on with his life.

Speaking of Older Son, I found pieces of a baby blanket I was making for when I was pregnant with him. It was the first time I attempted a corner granny square pattern, and IMG_3436didn’t do a very good job at it. Those pieces have been in a zippered plastic bag for longer than he has been alive, and he is now 24. After he was born,  I just all of a sudden hated the colors, and so it went into the bag unfinished.

Now I look at it and wonder if these can be salvaged. It occurs to me that perhaps I could make a shawl out of them just to wear around the house. Or, I could finish the actual blanket and keep it for when Older Son may have his own kids.  I’ll need to block the pieces so they aren’t so misshapen, and hopefully I can make something usable out of them. It should make a quick winter project. I may just have to say goodbye to these crooked little shapes, and move on. More to come on that.

I wonder what else I will find in the next hour of rummaging through my very voluminous pile of dust collecting things stashed in my basement? It will be an adventure for sure. I know I am guaranteed to find more of what I call “pots of poison”, which are things that belonged to my ex husband, but I will just gather those up and send them to his house when Older Son goes to visit. Easy enough to get rid of, and so I should stop referring to them as poison, which mostly will kill a person.

Here’s hoping you find treasures in your homes that make you smile, and feel nostalgia for times and people who are no longer around, and not so much stuff that brings back bad memories. Either way, it’s just stuff and stuff that brings bad memories can be disposed of in many ways. Blessings all!

 

Slow changes jump out and cause revelations


Recently, I have become most enamored of the color blue. I was really struck while washing dishes just now, how the color of my coffee cup, glistening with suds in the sunshine, just caused my blood pressure to drop. It’s just a color, right?

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Well, maybe it’s more than just the perception of a color. Perhaps it’s an awakening to change that’s been happening under the surface.

That does sound a little melodramatic, but what I’m getting at is that I have been aware for some time that I crave peace more than anything right now. While I’ve known that for some time, what I haven’t realized is that my likes and dislikes have shifted a little, and seem to fall in line with that need.

It may not have been so striking to me except that I used to really hate blue. In one home I lived in as a high schooler had a kitchen that was decorated in what can only be described as a cacophony of blue; all different shades of blue everywhere. I remember thinking to myself that if I were ever to have my own house, the one color I would never have in it would be blue.

Fast forward to today, 30 years later, and in thinking about how I am going to paint my kitchen, and I keep coming back to blue. I always feel a little resistance to that as I’ve never wanted blue, but yet I find it so soothing as of late.

Hmmmm….maybe it’s time to start listening, rather than resisting.

Here’s hoping you all have a lovely weekend, surrounded by people, things, and colors which bring you peace and calm. Blessings all!!

Trying something new is always a risk.


I tried something new today. 

After I injured my hand any movement made it throb for a week, so I was thrown off my morning walk routine. After I felt a little better, I got back on the treadmill and it promptly went belly up. Generally, your treadmill shouldn’t smell all hot and burning. So, it’s been awhile since I’ve walked regularly. 

Part of the reason I don’t like walking in my neighborhood is because it’s super sketchy around here. Many of the sidewalks are crumbly. It’s also crowded and noisy. 

This morning I made the decision to go to my local park to walk. It was lovely, and quiet. Half an hour went by in no time at all. I think that’s going to be my morning routine now while the weather is good. I’ll deal with the busted treadmill later.

I also tried a new recipe called “Cowboy Crack” it’s kind of a dip, or can be used like a relish.  I have really started hating to try new recipes. Most of the ones I’ve tried recently haven’t been that great. I hate investing money and time into preparing food that just isn’t a hit. 

Well, I think I hit paydirt this time. Cowboy Crack is really good, and way healthier than a lot of the fast food I’ve been eating. 

My take away from this day is to just dive in and do that new thing I’ve been thinking of trying, and to stop hesitating.

Here’s hoping you find some wonderful things to give a try. Don’t be afraid, just dive in. If it doesn’t work out, keep trying until you find something that does. Blessings all!

Be grateful, even when stuff hits the fan


It’s going to be one heck of a week. Work has been throwing piles on top of my piles, and it has been made known to me that there are several other department heads out to get my boss. It has crossed my mind several times in the last month that it may be time to go job shopping. The stuff is starting to hit the fan in a big way.

Alas, I like it where I am, and will ride it out awhile longer. It’s still certainly better than my last job.

As my Faithful Readers are aware, I am big into finding the blessings underneath all of the carnage at the end of a crappy day.  I’m happy to say that it’s still a habit I fall easily into. 

Tonight, my boyfriend and I spent the evening at his boss’s house. We had a nice evening on their back patio, just chatting. The thing that struck me is that it was so quiet at their house. They live on the edge of town away from busy streets and the train, and it was so lovely to be there spending time with nice people in their nice quiet back yard.

Simple things not only mean a lot, but they help. 

I totally forgot about my rotten day, and all of the crap coming our way in the next two weeks. I feel very relaxed, which is something that I don’t usually feel. For that, I am very grateful. 

There is always something to be grateful for, even the smallest thing. You just have to be willing to look around to find those things. 

Here’s hoping you all find things to be grateful for, large and small. Blessings all!

Sometimes the message is all about the perception of the receiver.


Well, it’s been awhile since I blogged, and the least I can say about it is that life kind of got derailed for a bit.

As you may remember, I had experienced a kitchen accident leaving me with a good sized chunk missing from my dominant index finger. That’s all healed up now, but typing was a real bummer for a few months. Sometimes you just have to stop, rest, and take stock of what’s important.  As such, I just needed to take a blog break for a bit.

As part of a break from blogging, which I’ve missed, I’ve been thinking about the types of things I write, and the sorts of things I post on other social media. 

What prompted me to do a deep think about these things is that I’ve been forced to check myself, to make sure I wasn’t posting things that may be generally offensive to others. You see, a friend said something to me that was kind of mean, said in spiteful, sarcastic kind of tone, about some things I post. These things were general posts about stuff that I do, or places I go, and I couldn’t figure out what was it that I did that was so offensive.

I began to stew on this quite a lot, to the point where I felt compelled to ask my mother, and several trusted friends, what it could be. Being familiar with my postings they had no answer for me, and were equally as puzzled. 

In thinking this through, I remember something from a college communications course I took. The instructor looked us all in the eye one day and stated emphatically that how information is received is a product of the receiver, of their life experiences, and many times you can’t do anything about that. Our perception will color everything we see and hear, and sometimes the intent of the speaker/poster is lost getting through all of that.  I see how that is true in my life sometimes, especially with political and social issues. 

Sometimes there is no intent other than sharing your joy in doing something that makes you happy, but it can get caught up and discolored in the filter of others’ unhappiness.  It’s painful to hear. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t fix that because it won’t make these people happier to see me unhappy… at least I hope not. I’ve made an effort to try not to post when I’m sad or super angry about something. It gives the effect that my life looks super rosy on Facebook, and that is an unintended result. I have a regular life with ups and downs, just like everyone else.

Blogging is quite different for me than regular social media. This is the space I use to help myself work through some things I struggle with sometimes. I like to keep it as positive as I can but once in awhile you will see things here that aren’t as happy, like today. Thanks for your patience while I work through this.  It was hard to write about, and I spent more time than normal editing this post.

Having said that, I always do my best to end my blog posts on a positive beat. I want you to know that it really is ok to be happy. It’s ok to share what you find joy in doing. Rock on, happy campers, and many blessings to you all!

Day 38 – When a piece of you goes missing, slow down!


Well, it’s been a hell of a week. However, I was able to find some perspective to put it all into that makes things not so terrible.

Saturday, I had a kitchen accident and sliced off a good chunk of my finger clean off while trying to slice potatoes with a mandolin. 

This is where I make sure to add a PSA about mandolins. Those suckers are sharp, and unforgiving. Don’t forget to use the guard that comes with it. Your fingers will thank you! 

You haven’t lived until you have had to dig a part of yourself out of a pile of sliced potatoes. Ugh!

Anyway, after the ER visit, and another visit to a clinic for an initial dressing change, I’m changing the dressing on my now shorter finger. The good news is there isn’t a lot of pain, and the Dr said it would mostly grow back.

There are a few take-aways I’ve obtained from this whole experience:

First, losing the end of a finger is not as painful as giving birth. Not even close.

Second, there are all kinds of ways to persevere in the face of adversity. If it looks like it might be too hard, try it anyway.

Third, If you don’t slow down, the Universe will do it for you. If I hadn’t been in such a hurry, I’d have paid better attention to what I was doing and part of me wouldn’t have gone missing. 

Having the index finger of your dominant hand messed up is a good way to throw a big wrench in your machine. I can type close to 70 WPM, when not somewhat incapacitated. So now I type a little slower. I do everything a little slower.

I decided to go out for sushi tonight, and

Yummy Dragon Roll!

then I realized that eating it was going to be tough going. But. It seems to have turned out ok. I like to eat my sushi slower anyway. 

Here’s hoping you are all well and whole. Don’t be like me and go too fast. Blessings all! 

Day 37 -Blowing the top off of a nasty funk


I don’t know about you, but sometimes I go through swaths of time where I just can’t quite function. I fake it really well, but things pile up and then I am left with a giant mess to try to fix. I hate to even call it depression because it’s not catastrophic, but I think that’s what makes depression so insidious. It sneaks up on you, and it’s a little like the opposite of the proverbial frog in a pot of boiling water. Instead of the heat gradually increasing until it’s too late and the frog gets boiled, the water gets colder and colder until the frog is frozen in place, and everything is all locked up. It’s paralyzing. I let my house go, I haven’t blogged or walked on my treadmill in a week, and I have been eating all kinds of crappy food. I

This last couple of weeks has been that way for me, and the weird thing is that I don’t even know it’s happening until I’m mired in the middle of it, much like having your car stuck in the mud and coming to the realization that you just can’t simply drive away from it.

After a lot of years dealing with this, I have discovered pharmaceuticals aren’t helpful for me. The best thing for me is sunshine, fresh air, decent food, exercise, and good music. The latter will pull me out of a bad funk quicker than anything else, but for some reason it’s not been a go to remedy, and I will have to change that.

Something I noticed that isn’t helpful is the internet. I spend a lot of time listening to podcasts regarding news and current events. Talk about depressing information. Even though the internet is full of good things, I think I will be taking a break from so much of it.

This time of year is toughest because I am so, SO, done with winter and the cold and Daisiesdarkness that comes with it, and so ready for Spring to arrive. I went through my phone this morning to clean out some junk that I don’t need anymore, and I found some pictures I took last spring. How lovely to find a nice reminder that spring is just around the corner.

Another thing that just blows the top off of the funk I have been living with is Pandora. For those who don’t know, Pandora an app that play all of your favorite music, and is free with ads that play. I am not getting paid to give this recommendation, it’s just an app I really love.  As soon as I am done writing this blog post, the volume is going up, and the housework is getting done. I’ll probably open the windows and get some fresh air in here too.

I feel like the fog that has been hanging over my head is evaporating, and I can finally take a breath and feel like a human being. Here’s hoping that you are having a sunshiny happy day. If not, try some music. Turn it up loud blow the top off of that funk. Blessings all!