Too much holiday joy may be bad for you!

Today I had lunch with my good friend Brea at Barnes and Noble today. We do our best to have lunch every Friday, and since the weather has gotten colder, we’ve been forced inside. Our Barnes and Noble actually serves a pretty good lunch along with the coffees offered and, as we discovered today, they serve up a little humor with everything else.

We’d just finished lunch, and were having a pretty heavy discussion when an announcement came over the loudspeaker which went something like this:

“Greetings Barnes and Noble shoppers, do you have an excess of holiday joy? If so…”( the rest was blocked by ambient noise).

The lady making the announcement over the loudspeaker sounded to me like one of those people hawking drugs on tv, and the next thing I know it, we’re giggling over possible endings for this announcement.  Pretty soon,we are laughing so hard, it’s a wonder we didn’t fall out of our chairs. I’m pretty sure I bruised a rib. And I snorted, which hardly ever happens. I’m pretty sure Brea’s eyes glassed over with unshed tears due to having too much holiday joy in the moment. Luckily we were done eating or we might have choked to death.

I can’t remember all of what we laughed about, but I’ve thought of a few more as the rest of the day went by.  So, what happens if you find yourself with an excess of holiday joy?

~If you experience holiday joy for more than four hours, seek immediate emergency medical assistance. (I wonder how excessively inflated joy is coded for insurance purposes?)

~Could give you a righteous case of the holiday munchies and weight gain (nom, nom, nom!)

~May cause the desire to chug rum-laden egg nog (Can potentially lead to ‘rum’ goggles)

~May cause explosive diarrhea (Aunt Meg didn’t cook the Turkey long enough)

~Could cause drowsiness and dry mouth (again with the rum-laden egg nog)

~May cause blindness (Cousin Bob threw a buttered lefse at your head)

~May cause restless legs syndrome (too much holiday joy could make you feel like dancing)

~Stop experiencing holiday joy if you have constipation, flatulence, abdominal pain and bloating (See Aunt Meg’s undercooked Turkey)

~Stop eating immediately if you experience painful swallowing, chest pain, or severe and continuing heartburn (Don’t eat the Lutefisk!)

~May cause high blood pressure (Uncle Charlie just can’t let you forget about the time you lost your bathing suit while diving in the city pool, even though it happened when you were 12, and you’re now 30)

~If having too much fun, and eating at the same time, choking to death may occur (See! I told you having too much holiday fun was dangerous!)

I could go on ad nauseam but I think I will let you join in the fun. What other side effects warnings can you come up with for too much holiday joy?