Quiet morning thwarted by my own mind


Given all the excitement that’s been going on around our little house, I’ve been jonesing  for a little peace and quiet. This morning there is nothing I have to do, nobody to see and the sun is out. Finally! All I can hear is the traffic out front and the fish tank bubbling.

The boys don’t have to get up today for anything, and that means that I can just sit here listening to nothing, reading and posting to my heart’s content. Then why is it that I am drawn to think about all the things that need doing? There is always housework, and yard work, and organizing…I could go on ad nauseum about all the little things that constantly need keeping up with.  There should be some metaphysical door one can shut on thoughts of those kinds of activities so one can fully enjoy a peaceful, sunny morning like I have now. But, noooo…it seems that the way is open for intruding thoughts of work. Bugger.

Well, if it’s thoughts of work that I have, I guess I should think about what exactly it is I feel like I need to accomplish today. So, here’s a to do list:

  • Laundry (When isn’t there any? At least that can be going while I’m doing other stuff!)
  • Dusting (It’s a never-ending battle in North Dakota)
  • Cooking (I have another 8 lbs of meat that needs cooking up or it will go bad soon. Hm…sounds like meat loaf for supper!)
  • Finish cleaning out the entryway closet.
  • Clean out the hall closet
  • Organize the basement (that’s really two weeks worth of work right there, but I should get a start)
  • Crack the whip on those boys to clean their rooms this afternoon (ugh…what is it with teenage boys and stinky rooms?!)
  • Mop the kitchen floor
  • Mop and oil all the wood floors…boy are they DRY…

Ugh…I could go on and on and on. I think this list is long enough, though. First thing I think I want to do after I put a load of laundry in, is go for a walk. At least that way I can feel like I am getting something done while I’m doing something for myself!

Well, It’s 9am, and I hear Older Son stirring. It’s been a nice quiet morning while it lasted!

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A nice Sunday for all


Today was a very nice Sunday. The weather was very pleasant, if windy, and I was able to open the windows and get some nice fresh air in here. I cleaned up a little, did some laundry, then washed my bathroom rugs and hung them outside to dry.

The boys were supposed to go with their dad today, but they ended up canceling that because he bummed his leg up. So, Older son went to a movie with a friend, and Younger Son and I went plant shopping. After doing some shopping around to see what is available here, we had supper at the Chinese place, and then made the actual purchases.  What we ended up bringing home were a Schubert’s Choke Cherry and two Nanking cherry bushes.

The new additions planted between the shed and the house

In the picture, you can see the whole of my back yard and straight through to Southern and Eastern Neighbors’ yards. I was standing in Western Neighbor’s yard while taking the picture.  The little shrubs I bought should be a good 4-5 feet tall by the end of the season. I don’t expect to get any fruit this year, but it’s a start!

Younger son and I spent a nice few hours in the back yard planting the new shrubs and doing other small odd jobs. I was lucky to run into Western Neighbor and asked him if he minded if I replaced the small piece of fencing (just barely visible to the right of the shed) with some new fencing, which would require cleaning out some of the unruly lilacs (I’ll miss them!) toward the back of his property. He gave his blessings, and we had a nice chat. I don’t get to see him very often, but he’s a nice guy. The fence will run from the front of the Western side of the house all the way around the back end of the property and wrap up to the back door. It will make a nice grape arbor!

Now that Older Son is back from the movie and Younger is back from walking to the local Loaf & Jug, I guess I ought to get back to work and get some stuff done before tomorrow.

Yet another list of things to get done today


Ah…I survived yesterday! The house got cleaned (Younger Son’s room was successfully fumigated), and I managed to make some time to get some stuff together for the rummage sale. Now, what kind of trouble can I get in today? Quite a lot, I’m sure, if I don’t get on the stick and get another list made up for today. (Note to Hel’wyse…I loved your additions to yesterday’s list!)

So, without further ado, here is today’s damage:

1. Finish pricing items for the garage sale.

2. Take out garbage (I found lots of crap that’s just not even worth selling, and it’s got to go).

3. Take a shower (All the better to entice more people to buy my junk)

4. Get food ready to go (I’m cooking for all of us today: Pork roast with potatoes and carrots in a slow cooker. Can you say comfort food?!)

5. Load up the van and haul all my junk (hopefully other people’s treasure!) to Connie’s house, where the sale is located.

6. Don’t forget the crock pot!

7. Go to Mom and Dad’s to pick up some stuff to add to the sale; try to talk Mom into coming with me.

8. Take the camera! (I say I’m going to do that every year, and then forget…doofus!)

Well, it looks like it’s time for me to skip ahead to #3 and go get cleaned up. I’ll post pictures later…

Sunshine on my son’s belly


Just now, Younger Son came in from outside and said, “Hey Mom, feel this”, as he’s holding out the belly of his shirt to me. So, I pressed my hand to his belly and his shirt was hot. Not warm…hot. He’d been outside for the last fifteen minutes or so in a black t-shirt and hoodie, and had soaked up a bunch of sunshine. Gods bless him for bringing it inside to share with me.

Perhaps I’m being maudlin, as has been the case my whole life, but it makes me a little sad that Younger is going to be 15 on the 21st of this month…my 6 foot tall baby. He and Older Son (aged 17) are both still in the strange limbo that is the stretch between childhood and manhood, and they seem to display a little of both on a daily basis. I seem to have come to a point in my life where I am agonizing over their loss already. Soon they will move away either for school, military, or whatever life endeavor they choose and I will be alone in this little bitty house that seems so cramped right now. When they are gone this little house will feel like an empty mansion.

The strange thing about already mourning them not being here is that I find I’m also making plans for me and the house when they are gone. What the heck?! How can I feel sad about having an empty nest and at the same time feel a little bit excited? I’ll just tamp that down a bit and examine it at a later time. It feels a little too traitorous and strange to really take that out and unpack it just yet. For the time being, I think I will just make a better effort to revel in their presence now, and not borrow sadness from the future. Even though it’s creeping in at the edges, it’s kind of pointless to wallow in something that hasn’t happened yet.

Younger has been chomping at the bit to plant his watermelons and pumpkins, even though it’s too early to plant outside in North Dakota. So, off to Menards we go today to get some plastic wrap and PVC to make a small green house. Time to take advantage of the nice day and spend some quality time with the kids rather than worrying about what things will be like when they’re gone away living their own lives.

Nice weather and a good long walk…


Today was the first day of the year that I could get out and go for a good long walk. It’s got to be close to 60 degrees today, which is just right. During this long Winter, I’ve missed walking so much, and I think it’s because that’s what kept me sane from April until the snow fell last year. Not only did I lose a lot of weight (which I gained again over the Winter months), but walking constantly, multiple times a day helped me physically rid myself of tension, depression and anxiety so that I could function. It didn’t take it all away, but helped a lot.

Watch out...here I come!

So, Spring is here again and I’m itching to get outside. My ex husband had time scheduled with the boys today, so I decided just to go for a walk and be away from the house when it came time for him to pick them up. Being 15 and 17, they don’t need me around at all times, so I took the opportunity to salve my sanity. Yesterday when he picked them up I had to see him, and speak to him, and it was excruciating. I’ll never admit that to him or the kids, but there’s still a knife hanging out of my back, and every time I have to see or interact with him, it gives a good sharp twist. That’s what I have to work on this year…knife extraction. If I am to be completely honest with myself, the only reason it’s still there is I give it permission to be there. Part of the reason for that is that I’m hanging on to my anger… and I like it. I don’t want to not be angry about the kids and I being cheated on and dumped so carelessly, and, quite frankly, I just can’t imagine a time when I wouldn’t be angry about it. However, it takes a lot of energy to keep that up, and I suppose that one day I will just be too tired to keep it up any more. It would help a lot if my ex and his hussy would just kindly drop off the edge of the Earth, never to be heard from again…is that really too much to ask?

But, I digress…back to walking.

Not only does walking help drain off the negative energy I have all pent-up, but it gives me real time to think. While I listen to podcasts on my Ipod the whole time I’m out, sometimes I tune it out in favor of working stuff out in my head. Sometimes I pay sharp attention to whatever podcast is coming though my headphones, just for the pure distraction. The motion of walking and the mental distraction gives me time to reset, especially when I’m out walking for an hour to an hour-and-a-half.  I anticipate that once I get rolling, all this walking will help me take that weight off again, too, and hopefully I can keep it off.

Now that we have walking weather again, I’m hoping to get the boys out of the house to go walking with me more often…one at a time. Late last summer I was able to get some time alone with each kid. It was nice to just be able to talk about stuff alone, which was helpful given the eventful Spring and Summer we had last year.

So, now that I’ve had my walk for the day, I find I want to go for another one! I’ll have to start going early in the morning again every day now…and the evenings too.

Happy Spring!


Spring has finally arrived!  I’m so tickled about it, I’m practically wiggling like a happy puppy.

Some years Spring arrives with a cloak of the last bitter vestiges of Winter. This year, it arrived as it should…blissfully warm and sunny. It’s a fabulous day for Spring cleaning, so I coffeed myself and the kids up good and now we are doing just that. Younger Son is outside chopping up a snow bank so it will melt quicker, and Older Son is helping out with odd stuff around the house until it’s time for him to go to work. Uh oh…Younger just came in complaining that he hurt his back. Oops. I guess picking up the yard and spreading the snow to melt quicker will wait.

Shutting off the heater, opening the doors and windows goes a long way to making me a very happy person. The old, sick, stale winter air can get out and be replaced with good fresh air. I sure did need that…it does wonders for morale.

Now comes pulling furniture out and cleaning and reorganizing rooms. Now comes organizing the basement so we have an exact place to put everything, and getting rid of things we don’t need. Now comes a less cluttered, more organized life. (Snickering…) Yeah…we’ll see how that works…but it sounds good, doesn’t it? I’ll give it a good try.

Not only is Spring cleaning a good thing, but I’m looking forward to getting my seeds started this weekend too. Even though there are shoots of grass  sprouting outside, I still feel the need to have stuff living in my kitchen. I had such a good time gardening last year, I want to do it again. There’s something about nurturing those seeds until they spout and grow large enough to put outside that really lights my fire. What can I say, I’m a cheap date!

I wish you all many fresh-aired, sunny, Spring blessings!

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