September 29, 2012 3 Comments
I experienced what it’s like to be put on “the stand” in a courtroom this week. It was pretty excruciating, and it’s not something I ever want to do again. This was not my choice, and I am very sure that my ex-husband isn’t done with me, whatever the outcome.
I learned some very, very awful things; things that are so horrific I won’t even think about sharing them here. I’m sad and disappointed that he hates me so much that he went to the lengths he did to make me out to be the bad guy, and to blame me for the things he did. I want him to take responsibility for his own actions, rather than shoving it off on me.
What do you do when someone rakes you over the coals, mercilessly?
Well, having had a long, draining, emotional day…I did what a lot of girls might do. I came home and had a good cry and got it out of my system.
I spent the last day going over my own questioning and testimony, and have so much more I wish I had said. I really need time to think about everything before I make a reply…shooting from the hip is not my best mode of communication. My attorney said I did well, but of course I am going to second guess everything. I don’t feel good about this. If I were to win this case that he has brought against me, I still won’t feel good about it.
After having been raked over the coals like that, what’s the thing I really need to do?
I need to forgive him.
Yeah..I know. You, my Faithful Readers, are probably wondering what I’ve been snorting. Forgiveness?! Why ever for?
Well, the first thing I learned, really learned, about forgiving is that is it something you do for yourself, and not necessarily for the individual you are forgiving. It’s a letting go of the poison I’ve been carrying around in my belly for years. To not forgive is to let it eat away at my soul. Life is too short for that, and I have better things to do.
Now, mind, I did say forgive… I didn’t say forget. I know better than that, and I’ll have to watch my back.
Here’s hoping that you all are able to forgive others who do terrible things to you, so you can move forward with your life and be happy regardless of the ugly things you might have had to endure. It’s very difficult to do, but it’s worth it.