Struggling not to multitask

I would have bet the whole farm that I had to work at the Big Red Box Store tonight. I even got dressed and went there after working all day at my primary job, and tried to sign in to work. Well, will wonders never cease…the time clock wouldn’t let me in because I actually didn’t have to work.


So, what does a girl do with an unexpected night off do? She obsesses about what to do with all of that extra time. Too much work to do at home.

As if working two jobs wasn’t work enough, there’s always a lot that needs doing at home. Especially when I do have to work tomorrow night, and Thanksgiving night, and I will be cooking Thanksgiving dinner.

Not that cooking Thanksgiving dinner is terrible work. It’s quite a labor of love. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and I LOVE cooking for my friends and family. We’ve got it down to a science. I cook the Turkey, Ham, and potatoes, and set up all of the little extras like the veggie tray, pickles and some side dishes like Cookie Salad. OMG…Cookie Salad. I can’t wait! Mom brings the Green Bean Hotdish, and my friends bring the best homemade bread and deserts. OMG…I can’t wait!!!

But, I digress…Thanksgiving is a lovely distraction.

Our society is so consumed with the idea of multitasking, and it’s something I have become so trained to have to do constantly, that it’s next to impossible for me to sincerely enjoy an unexpected night off. Just to lounge around binge watching something I’ve been missing out on, or putz around my house doing something I feel like doing, as opposed to something that needs doing, is not possible without guilt.

That’s right…I feel guilty for enjoying down time. Therefore, I don’t.

I always have to have something else going on in the background. Tonight, it’s the laundry running while I am avoiding being productive. That’s worth something, right?

My question, to myself as well as to you, my Faithful Readers, is why is it so terrible to enjoy time doing nothing? American society prizes hard work to the point of exhaustion. If you are sitting, and not being productive in some way, you aren’t working hard enough. If you are on time, you are late. If you don’t work overtime you are lazy. Sheesh…I can’t even watch TV, or go out somewhere, anymore unless I at least have laundry going.

What happened to doing a good day’s work and then going home and doing whatever the hell you feel like? Without guilt, without worry. A person should have a whole weekend to be able to rest, relax and putz around the house, or around the yard. Or just sleep until you are fully rested. What the heck does being rested feel like?

I’m only 46, and I feel like I have traversed a longer road than my age would give evidence of. I have felt like I needed to pack in a whole lot of living in between my two jobs, and I have done a pretty decent job of it.  Nobody can accuse me of not checking things off of my Bucket List.

In the last few months, I have become aware that I crave a few things. I so badly would like to slow down. I have run at such a fast pace in the last five years, and in stressful circumstances, that I feel like I am burning out.

I crave to do things that feed my soul. Crafts, gardening, reading. I love all of those things, but have lost the drive to do any of it because there just isn’t much time to really do them.

I crave so  badly to turn my weigh-station of a house into a home.  A real home where I get to cook something for supper every night. A real home that I get to spend time in. A real home where I get to have company more often than just Thanksgiving.

Changes are coming. They will be slow and deliberate, but they are coming. One more thing I crave to do and don’t have much time for is writing. Well, look at me…looks like I’ve taken a step forward tonight!

Here’s hoping that you don’t suffer from relaxation guilt and that your life is slow and and as non-productive as makes your life lovely. Blessings all!


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