The pull of another cup of coffee

It’s been quite an interesting morning, and it’s only 8:55.

I got a call from The Flirt today at 6:30 am…he’d hit a deer on the way to work. He is ok, and his car is still drivable, but I think it rattled him pretty good. To add to the issue of extensive front end damage the deer apparently had the temerity to survive the run in, and then mocked him from a nearby hill-top. Those darned deer.

I’m feeling even better today than the last few. My one diseased lung is healing up nicely, even though I still experience bouts of coughing that leave breathing a little bit of a challenge. I think all the fresh air I got yesterday made a lot of difference. I got some really good sleep last night and feel much more energetic today.

I took the boys to their last full day of school (Yay!) for the year, and then did some quick shopping. I’m back at home now, surrounded by all the indoor chores I should have done yesterday, when I was out in the back yard blowing off steam instead. Truthfully, I have much more that needs doing outside, but the indoors needs to get a little love too.

I have this week off, and have so much I would like to do, which butts up against all the things I need to get done first. With Older Son graduating this weekend, and company coming for his party on Saturday, I have a whole bunch of organizing and deep cleaning to do, not counting the painting and repair work I wanted to get to this week as well. There is only so much one person can do, so I think I’ll just start with some laundry while I take a few minutes to tap out some words here.

In truth, it is all about the extra cup of coffee. Hmm…I think I’ll be a big slug while I drink it!

That was the real reason I allowed myself the time to sit down and write a third blog post in four days, which I never get to do. That extra cup of coffee sitting in the pot was calling my name. I am admittedly weak in the face of this enticing cup of coffee, and feel just a little extra empowered to have the time to sit down and slurp away on this lovely beverage.

Will I get everything done that I need to do today? Probably not…but, I will have had a few extra quiet minutes to myself, having shut the tv off, and hearing nothing but the traffic going by the house, my own tapping on the keyboard, and the cat fussing through the window at the birds on the feeder in the back yard. What a lovely way to begin a day…just the time it takes to drink this extra cup of coffee and sit in peace makes all the difference.

Here’s hoping you all have time for some quiet time with that extra cup of coffee, tea or whatever lovely simple thing makes your morning.

Gardening grinds down the sharp edges of anger

Some time ago, I wrote a blog post about how gardening is good for dealing with depression. Today I found another good use for the act of gardening: grinding down anger.

Today I got some really disturbing news from my lawyer. I won’t go into all the messy little details, but suffice it to say that my ex husband is even more depraved and mean-spirited than I had earlier been given to understand. What I found out was so hurtful and made me so angry I just wanted to scream. But I didn’t…and I didn’t cry either. The man isn’t worth his salt, and he sure isn’t worth the salt in my tears.

In stead, I looked around for something to channel all of my negative feelings into. When I looked out my dining room window, I was reminded that I still had the rest of my garden to dig up, and I’ve got seeds to plant. Given that I was going to be out in my yard, I decided that perhaps a trip to my local garden center wouldn’t be such a bad idea, either. I spent probably more than I should have, but for the most part, I purchased plants that will either come back next year, or reseed themselves easily.

For a long time, I’ve really avoided buying flowers because I wanted to focus my resources towards setting up my little plot of land as a haven of permaculture. I want pretty much everything that grows here to be able to come back every year and provide some kind of fruit or berry that I can feed my family. Something I didn’t take into consideration was that permaculture does require flowering plants to attract bees and other beneficial insects as part of the plan. Well, today, I invested in just that. Flowers. I did buy a couple of herb plants, but the majority were just lovely pretty things that will make my landscape look nicer and make me smile when I come home at the end of the day.

What I brought home were miniature daisies, johnny jump ups, pansies, day lilies, ferns, wooly thyme, oregano, and dill seed. I spent all day finishing up digging up the garden to get the weeds out, and I planted flowers until I was finally tired. The following pictures show the beginnings of what will be a frilly, colorful garden by the time Midsummer hits.

The daisies, pansies and johnny jump ups will make a nice cover for my slow-growing blueberry shrubs, as I planted them in the holes of the cinder blocks lining the blue berry garden.

Just a quick note here about the pink flamingo. It’s one of my favorite things in my whole yard, even though it’s rickety and the paint is peeling. It was made to be plant stand, and I think I’m going to fix it up and find a nice thing to put in it instead of my water bottle!

I have quite a lot of rock bed surrounding my house, and I decided that today was time to liven it up a little bit. I found these fabulous little ferns that should spread out and get little white button flowers on them. I also put in a Stella D’Oro Daylily, which will look fabulous once it gets established. They get really bushy and are prolific bloomers.

The long and the short of this post, is that I finally found something that wears off the jagged edges of my anger. Good hard work out side, where I can build something permanent and worth while, takes that anger and uses it as a generator for the greater good. It morphs from something cutting and destructive into something that paves the way for nicer things. Now my task is to keep the momentum going and get the inside of my house done too!

Buffoonery by anyone’s clergy is destructive

I was surfing around CNN today, and found an interesting opinion article called Opinion: Supporting Buffoonery in the Clergy. While you can read the whole article for yourself, the long and short of it is that the author of the article is tired of the bad behavior of Protestant Clergy and wonders at people’s tolerance for it. While he sites several examples of said buffoonery (and I think the word is well used in this case), the shining example he gives can be seen in this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=AVkoQHCXSK8

This sort of things happens across all religious and cultural boundaries – it matters not whether you are Christian, Pagan, or any other spirituality. I witnessed a Wiccan priestess being treated in a similar, yet certainly more subdued, manner. She was carried on a litter to a ceremony, ostensibly because she was arthritic and had trouble walking. Rather than taking someone’s arm to walk 10 feet, she had people carry her on her seat. I have to call BS on that…I saw the look on her face.  She sat up straight with regal bearing, as though it were her divine right to be carried by her subordinates. It still makes me a little angry to think about it all these years later.

Having said that, I want to say here that Wicca is a beautiful religion, and there are many successful, sane and learned groups active in the United States today.  I still live by many of its tenets, and learned much that was worthwhile during my time with this group.  It was this particular group that was damaged due to the leadership’s willingness to be subordinate to people like the priestess I described.  I wasn’t the only person who disagreed with what was going on, but I wish more had. After this and a run-in with a charlatan, a wolf in sheep’s clothing in our midst who left our group splintered and emotionally battered, I left. I finally learned to listen to my gut and stop listening to the rationalizations of the group leader. I realized that true spirituality comes from within, and you can’t get that from anyone else. I’d also like to say here that our leader wasn’t a bad person but had some serious blinders, and I believe she learned a whole bunch of lessons too.

I can understand how it is the people come to the point of following blindly. It starts with the idea that you need to be led, and the willingness to trust your chosen leadership blindly. It persists with the letting go of logical thought, and the squashing of common sense and self-worth. You just keep stuffing down the notion that your leaders could be wrong, and you go with whatever they feed to you. These issues are compounded by a pack mentality that paints the bad behavior by the leaders as that of those who are “chosen”, and then continually reinforces it with rationalizations based on whatever holy book they use… or because the Pastor/Father/Imam/Rabbi/High Priestess/etc.,  said so.

I guess the bottom line of this blog post today, in response to the video link above, is to ask that people please think for themselves and not follow blindly. Just because someone says they are a chef doesn’t mean they can cook nutritious food. Just because someone says they are clergy doesn’t mean they can set a good example or be a good spiritual leader. Stop and think about what you are consuming in the way of spirituality…be aware that you are what you eat spiritually,  just as it is with your diet.

Reinventing yourself when your purpose vanishes

Today I watched a very interesting video about a man who is struggling with ALS. It’s all about how it changed the way he thinks about things, and how he had to reinvent himself and find new purpose when the disease progressed so far that he had to quit his job as a pastor.  Ed Dobson has led an interesting life, and I think this video is worth taking a peek at.

Please let me make it clear that I don’t share Mr. Dobson’s religious beliefs, but I find this video compelling and wanted to share it. The thing I find interesting about his story is that even though he is dealing with a disease that is killing him, he found new purpose and carries on one day at a time. When your purpose, or what you think is your purpose, vanishes into thin air in a heart beat  you wonder how you will carry on, and what to do next.  He did an amazing thing, and continues to do amazing things. The interesting part of doing amazing things is that they don’t have to be big, or loud, or blatant to still be amazing. Sometimes just having a positive effect on those around you is the greatest thing of all, especially when you show people that they, too, can get up and keep going no matter what.

The best part of the message this video conveys is that everyone has a purpose, even if you can’t see it right away. You just have to be open to opportunities and ideas as they come, and then one day you realize your purpose is looking you right in the hairy eyeball.

I’ll quit jabbering on about this guy, and let you watch the video and see for yourself. Editor’s Note: I’m having a hard time trying to embed this video, so you will have to click the link below:

http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/.element/apps/cvp/3.0/swf/cnn_416x234_embed.swf?context=embed&videoId=living/2012/02/11/eds-story-my-garden.cnn

Impatience isn’t a virtue

Yesterday and, actually, several times this last week, I’ve been terribly impatient.

Last night, I was invited to go out into the mall and sit with someone on my break while working at The Red Big Box Store, and I did. When I reached this person, they were on the phone. They acknowledged me, and then looked away and kept right on talking.

After a minute of sitting there trying not eavesdrop on this conversation, I got up and left in a huff.  I really despise being ignored, so much so that I have quite a chip on my shoulder about it.

Thinking about it now, and remembering snippets of the conversation that I was trying not to hear, I think the person was close to finishing their conversation, and I think they were just trying to finish up, and not really ignoring me per se. Perhaps, if I’d stuck around for another thirty seconds I’d have been able to have the conversation with this person that I’d wanted to have.

One of the things I need work on in my immediate future is my lack of patience, because it isn’t a virtue.  Life goes by quickly enough without trying to hurry every single thing along.

The importance and power of human touch

I’ve been thinking a lot about the power of human touch today, for a couple of reasons.

This last week I had a mammogram. It’s not that I actually wanted one, or felt that I needed it, but I’ve gotten to the age where my doctor has been pestering me for a few years to get it done. Luckily enough we have a mobile mammogram unit that goes from business to business so women can get their mammograms done during work hours without having to schedule time off. So, I signed up this year and it was an odd experience.

The lady who did performed the procedure was quite the Chatty Cathy, and I quickly realized it was a good thing. For you ladies who’ve not had it done yet (and you men who always wondered), it’s not as simple as just flopping a boob on a plate and having it squished down by another plate so you can have an x-ray taken. You actually have to get as much of the tissue close to your ribcage into the picture as possible, so the technician will actually scoop your boob up, and reposition (translation – PULL)  it farther onto the plate and then put her hand on your back and push you closer in. Sometimes she’ll actually have to do it a couple of times to get it right. The reason it was good that she was chatting and engaging me  in conversation the whole time is that it was distracting enough that, while it was weird, it made the procedure go that much quicker. I’m not accustomed to having my chest manhandled in this manner, and it’s off-putting being touched like that. Not that she was rough at all…quite the contrary. She was as gentle as could be, and pretty caring about the whole thing, really. The people who do these procedures really are pretty special folks….this is not a job for just anybody. They have a gift for putting people at ease by voice and by touch, which makes it easier on everyone.

I happened to speak to a young lady I work with at The Red Big Box Store one night, and we got to talking about her mom, whom I know from working at The Blue Big Box Store. I sure do miss working with her, and I told the young lady that she should give her mom a hug from me to which she replied, “I don’t hug my mom!”, with kind of a giggle. This young lady is sixteen years old and is at that point in her life where it’s not cool to hug your mom. So we had a friendly chat about why she should hug her mom, just because. By the end of the night, I’d convinced her to give her mom a hug from me, and she grinned. I think she secretly likes that her mom will hug her all the time, but just can’t bring herself to admit it…typical of someone her age. The power of giving hugs is really not something you can measure with any accuracy, but I am quite certain that it’s something that no one should have to go without…both for the hugger and the huggee. If it’s the last thing you ever do, hug someone, because that is not only a mental memory, but a physical one too. Sometimes hugs don’t always come in packaging that looks like a hug, but is really a hug in disguise. Pay attention to those touches that are really hugs in disguise, because they are just as important, like the “high-fives” Younger Son is so fond of giving out. My kids don’t like to be hugged either, but they will tolerate an arm around their shoulders, a pat on the back, etc. It’s nothing hard to incorporate into your life…make the effort. Even if your kids don’t return a hug, they still need them.

Something I’ve discovered as being important to me is just the quiet touch of having your hand held. I am so very lucky that The Flirt likes to go shopping, and he likes to hold hands while we shop. My ex husband wasn’t into small physical expressions of affection like that, and I didn’t realized how completely starved for it I had been. Some would say it’s a small thing, but small things mean a lot. Last night I went over to his house to watch movies and, while we didn’t necessarily sit right up against each other, at one point he reached his foot over and put his toes on top of mine.  Not playing footsie, but kind of a hand-holding except with feet. It was a sweet gesture, and I dig sweet little gestures like that.

Here’s hoping that you have lots and lots of hugs and hand-holding in your lives. It’s made all the difference in mine.

Forming attachments is dangerous

I haven’t talked about The Flirt much in recent posts, mostly because I’ve been spending so much time with him that I haven’t had time to post much. The fact is, I’ve gotten pretty attached to him. Dangerously so.

Why would becoming attached to someone be dangerous? Because nothing good ever lasts, just like nothing bad ever lasts forever.

As it turns out, The Flirt got a new job. A fabulously high-paying job, typical of the kind of jobs that support the oil industry. This is a very good thing. Unfortunately, it means he will be moving away in the coming weeks, as the job is 75 miles away. He will commute daily until he can find a place closer, but he will leave. It’s not unexpected…I knew this was coming, but it’s still crappy to think about.

The good news is that neither one of us is willing to let the other go just because of a little distance. We’re both so busy that a little distance will probably be a good thing, and it’s not going to be a big deal.

But, I will miss him when he’s gone.

I’ve been telling myself I was stupid to let myself get attached, but the truth is that I was tired of living in a world that was all gray tones and no color. Now that I’ve had a taste of what life can be like when I am living for me, too, and not just for everyone else I’m not terribly willing to give that up. Oh well…as things are going in a new directions, I will just roll with it. What will be will be, and there’s no sense worrying about it.

One day at a time, living dangerously on the High Plains…

Saturday mish-mash

I sure have missed my blog.

Generally, my problem has been that I have a terrible case of writer’s block and can’t write. Recently, though, I’ve just not had the time. Today I have a few precious hours to myself as I don’t work until later this morning, and the boys won’t be reading over my shoulder as Older is still sleeping and Younger is at work. It’s just me, the cat and my coffee….ahhhhh!

I’ve had so much going on that I find I have an over abundance of things to write about, so I will just babble until I run out of stuff, or run out of time. Here goes:

Yesterday I asked my Dad about blogging again. I’ve been pestering him about it recently as I think he’d be really good at it, but he is resisting. I don’t know if he doesn’t think he has anything to say, or if he doesn’t want to be tied to it and feel obligated to keep up with it daily, but he flat refuses. It’s a crying shame as he has a keen intellect and plenty of interesting opinions. Personally, I think he might be a blogging addict once he got started, and I’m going to keep working on him.  I’m going to pester my Mom too. She can be wickedly funny, and I’m betting that she might like blogging too, if I can just get her started.

My Dad recently has begun to tell stories from his youth that I’ve not heard in all of my almost 43 years. Mom has always told me things about from when she was growing up, and I would imagine that she has more to tell. I’d like to get my parents to commit as many of these stories as they can to some form of permanent media, whether it’s paper or digital.

My kids have not read my blog, that I am aware of, and I am hoping that it will serve as a window into my perspective for them when they get to be older. I should take my own good advice and get on the stick and write about my childhood too, and perhaps this blog is the best spot for that.  I should also write about my kids’ childhoods. There will be a lot they don’t remember, or never knew.  I’ve been looking for a direction to take this blog, and perhaps that is it. Mixing the old and the new, comparing the happenings of today with stories from the past? Much food for thought there.

So what’s new in my little corner of The High Plains? Well, I’ve been working at The Red Big Box Store since just before Christmas, and it is a VAST improvement over The Blue Big Box Store. Not only do they have a very good sense of organization and communication, but it’s so much cleaner. Just about the only thing I have to complain about is how they do their scheduling. So far, it hasn’t been enough to make me want to leave, though, so I’ll hang with it. I also got a promotion at the Cube Farm. I’m going to a department that I worked in before, and I’ll be working for a lady who is just the bee’s knees fabulous. The job I have been in since my last one was liquidated is good, and I have amazing people to work with, but I have been feeling stagnant and bored with it. This new job will give me the variety I need and a lot of opportunity for growth. It also has the added bonus of a little extra pay, so I’m hoping to drop down my hours at The Red Box Store, which will give me some more time at home.

Speaking of home, not much has been done in the home improvement department…just not much time, and the weather has been terrible. Tomorrow, I’m going to be a Domestic Goddess and do laundry until my washer and dryer cry for mercy. I’m also going to do some basement organization so that everything is ready for the next phase of the remodel: The Pantry!  I’ve already got some extra non perishables stocked up, just waiting for a place to go. I can’t wait to get my new pantry filled up! Being prepared for emergencies is something that has been weighing heavily on my mind, and something I’ve not been able to do much about. If a person has a well stocked pantry groceries (and other household necessities) are going to be the least of your worries if something catastrophic happens. This is what a lot of people call “prepping”. It’s another topic I will be blogging heavily about in the coming year, and something you can definitely hear more about if you check out Jack Spirko at   The Survival Podcast. Jack is an interesting guy who has a lot of great ideas about how to live a good, and well prepared, life.  More about that topic later.

Well, my coffee has run out, and Older Son has risen from his man cave. Time to get showered and get on with my day!

 

What really is peace?

I’ve been wishing my loved ones “Happy New Year”, left and right. With that goes along wishes for peace and prosperity. I got to thinking about peace this morning, and I had to ask myself, what really is peace?

The word “peace” has a lot of different meanings and uses, as described here by what I found at Dictionary.com:

peace[pees] Show IPA noun, interjection, verb, peaced, peac·ing.

Origin: 1125–75; Middle English pes  < Old French,  variant of pais  < Latin pax  (stem pāc- ); akin to pact

noun

1. the normal, nonwarring condition of a nation, group of nations, or the world.

2. (often initial capital letter ) an agreement or treaty between warring or antagonistic nations, groups, etc., to end hostilities and abstain from further fighting or antagonism: the Peace

    of Ryswick.

3. a state of mutual harmony between people or groups, especially in personal relations: Try to live in peace with your neighbors.

4. the normal freedom from civil commotion and violence of a community; public order and security: He was arrested for being drunk and disturbing the peace.

5. cessation of or freedom from any strife or dissension.

6. freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an obsession, etc.; tranquillity; serenity.

7. a state of tranquillity or serenity: May he rest in peace.

8. a state or condition conducive to, proceeding from, or characterized by tranquillity: the peace of a mountain resort.

9. silence; stillness: The cawing of a crow broke the afternoon’s peace.

10.(initial capital letter, italics) a comedy (421 b.c.) by Aristophanes.

interjection

11.(used to express greeting or farewell or to request quietness or silence).

verb (used without object)

12.Obsolete . to be or become silent.

Idioms

13.at peace,

     a. in a state or relationship of nonbelligerence or concord; not at war.

     b. untroubled; tranquil; content.

     c. deceased.

14. hold / keep one’s peace, to refrain from or cease speaking; keep silent: He told her to hold her peace until he had finished.

15. keep the peace, to maintain order; cause to refrain from creating a disturbance: Several officers of the law were on hand to keep the peace.

16. make one’s peace with, to become reconciled with: He repaired the fence he had broken and made his peace with the neighbor on whose property it stood.

17. make peace, to ask for or arrange a cessation of hostilities or antagonism.

Now let’s talk about the images that come to mind when we talk of peace. The first one that comes to mind is the dove. Then there is the universal symbol of peace, which is a personal favorite of mine. Then there is the hand sign of two fingers pointed upward in a “v” formation, which also means victory.

When I think if peaceful pictures, my mind always turns toward landscapes…nice quiet pastoral scenes with lots of sunlight, space and a   blue sky dotted with fluffy clouds.

No matter what your perception of peace, my New Years wish for you all is that you are enveloped by peace in all that you do, and that you find prosperity and happiness wherever you go. May you never hunger, may you never thirst, and may you always be surrounded by friends.  Blessed be, and Happy 2012!

A new start at Solstice

It never ceases to amaze me how things just kind of work out…even after things have been really terrible. I have more than a few examples, but I’ll use the most recent ones to illustrate.

Since last Spring, I’ve been locked in a legal brouhaha with my ex-husband. He felt that he was paying me too much, and decided he wanted to not only pay less, but also get a refund of several thousand dollars…so he served me with papers and drug me through the wringer. Recently this particular battle came to a surprising and abrupt end. The court rendered an impromptu decision and I won, in very large part. He has stated he will appeal it, but for now I can breathe a little easier.

As all of my faithful readers will remember, I have worked a second job at a Big Box Store (which has a very blue theme), for over a year . Recently, I hit a wall at that job and my B.S Meter went pinging into the red zone when one of the managers lied to me and let my schedule go to Hell, and then another tried to coerce me into taking responsibility for a really disastrous mess that the aforementioned manager caused. I put my  notice in and was done at that store last Wednesday. I started my new job at the RED Big Box Store this Wednesday. Talk about the difference between night and day…if I have to work a second job, it might as well be one with less overall B.S. to deal with. I believe I am going to like working at the Red Big Box Store much better, and am looking forward to a nice long employment there.

I realized that all of these good things that are happening come right at the time of the Winter Solstice, or Yule, for those of us who celebrate Celtic pre-Christian holidays. Yule is the longest night of the year, especially for those of us in the extreme North, and the celebrations surrounding this holiday are all about the fact that the light is returning. It is not lost on me that this is a time of renewal, and a time where good things can germinate and grow. As the light grows longer and longer each day, bringing us closer to Spring, I’ll be keeping it at the top of my mind to make sure to work at those things I want to grow into something bigger and better.

Traditionally, especially in agrarian communities, Winter is a time of rest after having worked hard all Spring, Summer and Fall to make sure you can have enough food to survive a long winter. Now days that isn’t the case, though it sure feels like it should be a time of rest and contemplation. I guess downsizing on my stress is the one big way I can really do that for myself, so I’m going endeavor to make life more simple.

It’s not a terribly well thought out plan, but it’s a jumping off point. Here’s hoping that this Solstice/Christmas/Chanukah/Diwali/Kwanza season is a jumping off point for whatever it is that you’d like to cultivate for yourself as the light grows brighter every day. Brightest Blessings to you all.