Love in the form of a brownie

Today has been one heck of a day. Of course, this time of year, everything is hectic…even the good stuff. In fact, this whole week has been one giant roller coaster, and there’s been much that’s bad, but so much that has been great.  I have several things to talk about, but not enough time or room to put them down here coherently, so I’ll just blather a bit about what’s happening right this moment.

It just so happens that I have a pan of freshly frosted brownies sitting on my stove. These aren’t just any brownies either…this is my Grandma’s recipe. Grandma knew all about how to feed people, and she delighted in it. The more you ate, the better she felt. It seems that cooking was her favorite way to show her love for us, and she did it well and often. Every time I went to visit, she always had a batch of these brownies waiting for me. She passed on in 1996, and now I have her recipe box and her cook books, including the one the brownie recipe came from. I’m almost ashamed to admit it, but I have not made this recipe in years. Today I made it because I have been invited over to my best friend’s house for an early Christmas celebration. Apparently “C” is a lover of brownies, and I instantly thought of this recipe.

The smell of these baking brought back a lot of memories, and I realized that I baked this particular recipe not only because it is just an excellent and easy recipe, but because I really do love these people and I wouldn’t take the time to make this favorite of mine for them if I didn’t.

As it turns out, the recipe book this comes from is so old, and the page is so beat up from use, that it’s falling apart. So, I’ll put the recipe down here for posterity, and to guard against losing it altogether. Because this brownie recipe is like a whole bunch of love packed into each little square, I encourage you all to make this for your loved ones who love chocolate too.

Grandma’s Famous Brownies

Beat together:
1/4 lb softened margarine

1 cup sugar

4 eggs (add two at a time and beat well)

1 tsp vanilla

1 lb can of Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup. (That’s right…get out your can opener and pour that whole sucker right in)

Once all is beaten together add:

1 cup, plus 1 Tbsp flour

1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)

Mix and pour into a 10×15 pan. Bake  for 30 minutes in an oven preheated to 350 degrees. While still hot, make the frosting:

Melt and stir together 6 Tbsp milk, 6 Tbsp margarine and 1 1/2 cups of sugar. Bring to a rolling boil and cook rapidly for 20 seconds. Remove from heat and stir in 1/2 cup chocolate chips. Beat together until chips are melted and it’s ready to pour over brownies. If you still have lumps of chocolate, you can pour it through a sieve right onto the brownies. Spread it quickly as this frosting sets up fast.

Enjoy!

 

Life is full of little trade offs…The trick is to find balance.

As all of my Faithful Readers know, I have two jobs. I work at the Cube Farm by day, and The Big Box Store by night…the blue one. I think you know what I’m talking about.

Lately, I’ve had thoughts of defecting to The Other Big Box Store. The red one, with the bulls-eye.

I have a friend at The Cube Farm who has been talking to me about switching over, and I think I just might do it. I have to say, though, that I have been at The Blue Store for long enough that I’m comfortable there. The whole problem with that place is that it’s impossible to get your work scheduling straight, it’s disorganized, dirty and they have such a high turn over rate that there is never enough help. As a result of not ever having enough help, many of us “Floor Help” end up cashiering instead of keeping our departments straight. I hate cashiering, and my right elbow and wrist hate it too.

Every time I go to The Red Store I marvel at how clean it is, how every employee has a scanner to use and that things just seem to be more orderly in general. It’s so tempting to defect, but I would be giving up a lot of benefits I get at The Blue Store that wouldn’t be available to me at The Red Store. Hm…lots to ponder.

Life is full of all sorts of trade offs, and some have been very worthwhile. Let’s take last night for example.

I picked up The Flirt, and we went shopping last night. We bummed around the mall, just going from one store to another looking at stuff. At several points he grabbed my hand and held it as we walked.  Wow… have you got any idea how long it’s been since a man has picked my hand up and held it? Oh…many more than I can count.  That Flirt is full of all sorts of delightful surprises, and I’m looking forward to finding out what else he has up his sleeve.

So, what’s the trade-off?  I gave up time with my boys at home for the evening.

I think the whole trick is to find balance. Sunday evening The Flirt came over for pizza and movies, and we all had a good time. Hopefully I can find and maintain just the right balance, and not let my social life get the better of me.

I think we can do this… Well, I guess we’ll find out!

Sleeping in and The To Do List

Today I got to sleep in.

What a glorious and wonderful thing.

This whole last year has been full of working every weekend day, but that’s all changed now. I’ve changed my schedule so that I get one weekend day off. I had to take on extra hours during the week to do that, but life is full of little trade offs, and this one was worth it.

Not only did I get to sleep until my eyes felt like popping open all by themselves, but now I get to sit in a quiet house and catch up on my blogs. And,  I get to write a post with no interruptions or the boys reading over my shoulder. Now there’s a treat. It’s a little easier to write what I really feel if I don’t have to worry about them walking by and sneaking a peak and making comments.

Aw shoot…I guess I spoke too soon…Older Son just got up, but he’s offering to make coffee, so I guess that’s another one of those little trade offs. Hmm… Coffeeeeee!

This morning is going to be all about The To Do List. Since I’ve taken on extra hours at the Big Box Store, and have stumbled upon my new found amazing social life, my house has really hit the skids. Time to take action, and here’s the plan for today:

Kitchen – (medium bad shape) clean off all flat surfaces of all things accumulated, scrub floors. If time, scrub fridge doors, inside and house, reorganize cupboards and drawers.

Living room -(horrifyingly bad shape) Burn and start again. Nope, too expensive. Dust everything, scrub walls, scrub floors, vacuum rugs, sort bills and papers, reorganize entire room. Hm…maybe it would just be better to burn and start again?

Bathroom – (pretty good shape) Light weekly scrubbing needed only

Entry way – (Not too bad) Sweep and mop floor, reorganize shoes and jackets

My room – (Run away, run away!) Get rid of the last of the things I brought up from the basement during the flood. Sweep floor and vacuum rugs, change sheets, dust everything, organize shelves, organize closet.

Basement (Good grief, what happened to my clean basement?!) Totes need organizing, floors need sweeping, laundry needs catching up with (my poor washer will be smoking and begging for mercy by the end of the day), items need to be put away in my new workspace cupboards.

Outdoors (Uff-da…) Need to have Younger Son finish pulling in the garden, and weed-whack anything that’s over grown. Solar lights need to be put away for the year, and the shed needs to be organized.

I’ve just read over this list, and know that I have my work cut out for me, but so do Older Son and Younger Son -I’ll be keeping them busy today. I’m also aware of this feeling in the pit of my stomach that I’m dying to send a text message to my new man friend. He needs a blog nick name….I’ll have to think on that. I’m seriously aware that we are only friends, but I’ve gotten rather attached to him. Could be that I need to reign that in a little bit…if he wants to be more than friends, I’ll let him let me know. Darned flirty man… makes me want things I shouldn’t want right now. For today, I need to pay attention to my house and spend some extra time with my kids.

I hope you all have much smaller To Do Lists, and a spectacularly restful Sunday.

Editors note: So what happens after I get this posted and get ready to start my day? My phone goes off…it’s The Flirt…texting just saying Good Morning. Life is good…

May I see your identification, please…this ride doesn’t stop.

Recently, I’ve run into a lot of situations where I’ve had to card people while working at the Big Box Store. You wouldn’t believe what kinds of things you can’t buy in North Dakota until you are 18…some movies, cold medicines, spray paint. The list seems to be endless these days, and I find myself having to ask people for proof that they are old enough to purchase these items.

Very often, the ID’s that are shown to me are by people who were either born on the year I graduated from high school (20+ years ago), or were born the same year Oldest Son was born. It’s pretty bizarre that I am running into so many people who are just young enough that I could be their mother. Add to that the fact that I have several friends my age and younger who have grand children.

Needless to say it’s been weirding me out something fierce.

Today Older Son had his senior pictures taken (thank you, Brea!), and it was kind of surreal in a way I can’t even begin to describe. He’s really graduating from high school. Really. No take backs or do overs. The boy, er, young man, is getting ready to launch.

!

Please excuse me while I put on my crash helmet and strap in… I feel a little bit like I’m on a roller coaster, and the ride attendant has decided to give me an extended ride. I know this is just part of life, and I certainly remember being on Older Son’s end of things, but it is almost a little bit more jarring than I expected.  I’m betting this is normal and that a lot of parents have this issue. I think the strangest thing is that there is now no more road map. After graduation in May, the road map butts up against blank paper and then he has to start writing his own story from there.

Here’s the thing I know to be truth. There is no stopping. There is no Ground Hog Day scenario where I get to be Bill Murray and keep doing a day over until I get it right. There is no going around the block to make sure you take the turn you meant to take. The train has definitely pulled out of the station and I’m not going to be the conductor for very much longer.

I would be a bald-faced liar if I didn’t admit that there is some freedom for me in that. I shouldn’t feel guilty about that, but I do. I’m guessing that will pass and life will just keep going, just like it always does.

Pretty soon, Older Son will be purchasing things that will cause him to have his ID checked.  I haven’t been carded in a very long time, as I don’t color my hair to hide the silver. I figure I worked hard for those natural highlights…who am I to paint over what Nature gave me? It has the effect of letting everyone know that I am definitely old enough, for whatever. I guess if I’m old enough to have goodly sized silver streaks in my hair, I’m old enough to have a child who’s become a man and let him move on with his life. See how I talk myself into things? I’m very circular that way sometimes.

The good news is that it’ll be a small practice run for the whole Empty Nest Enchilada. I have a few years reprieve from that, as Younger Son won’t graduate until 2014.  And then what happens when Sparrow’s Nest holds just one sparrow in it again?

My life begins again.

The holding pattern evaporates and I get to reinvent my life. My road map will then butt up against a blank page, and I’ll get to start writing my own story again. It will be my turn.

I might even bump into a man who will be worth my time.  I’m pretty convinced that’s unlikely, but one never knows for sure.

Hmm….

Most days, two years feels like a small drop in a cosmic bucket, but there have been a few moments here and there where it seems like it’s going to be an eternity. Every now and again I get a small glimpse of what life  might be like when I can concentrate on myself and the things I’d like to do.  I hear people really do that. No joking. At least, that’s what I hear.

We’ll see if the rumors are true.

Until then I’ll keep on going, because this ride just doesn’t stop.

A mish mash on a warm October day

Today is October 1st, and it is blessedly warm outside. The Weather Guy says it’s going to hit at least 80 degrees today, whereas in other years, we’d already been shoveling snow. What a blessing to have such good weather for a little while longer!

Since it is such a beautiful day, I am going to open up all my windows. throw some laundry in and power clean my kitchen. If I am really good with my time, I will leave myself plenty box opening time while I watch TV this evening. You see, I still have boxes sitting in my living room from when I brought everything up out of the basement before the flood this summer, and I just can’t bring myself to quite look in them. I know that there will be things in these boxes from my married life that I just don’t want to see or deal with.  This qualifies me as a gigantic chicken…Bock, bock, bk-ock!  Now, it’s just time to get this stuff taken care of and get it out of the house. Time to get on with it and move forward.

At the moment, Younger Son is cruising the kitchen, like a shark, looking for something to eat. He’s settled on a big glass of chocolate milk, which is just as well. I’m going to clear out the hall closet and he’s going to paint it.  What am I going to do when the boys have flown the nest? They have been really good about helping me out around the house, especially with the big stuff. I guess I’ll just have to find myself a boy toy who likes to shovel snow!

So, let’s talk about trolls. Not the living under the bridge kind, but the kind that maneuver around the internet leaving incendiary remarks on other people’s posts. I have a friend who recently experienced having to deal with one of these trolls for the first time. It’s never fun to have to kick someone off of a message board or a blog, but sometimes it has to be done. Trolls don’t just post nasty things, usually out of context, but they also feel that they can’t ever be wrong and will go to great lengths to prove to you that they are right. The thing is, they just don’t realize that being right isn’t necessarily what matters. What really matters is your behavior, because if you are well-behaved and post thoughtful, well-reasoned ideas, people will pay attention. If you behave badly and spam post people with ranting and crankiness, nobody will listen, except maybe for other trolls who live for arguing. The individual who posted on my friend’s blog, and then put comments on mine, will understand if I choose not to allow your comments to harsh the mellow that is my blog.  Enough said.

So, as I was cleaning out the closet so Younger could get started with the painting (wee!) I got a call from my best buddy, “C”.  Her brother has moved into town and they are going out tonight, and he wanted to know if I’d like to go out with them tonight.

Hmm. I do believe I’d like to do just that. It’s been a long time since a man was interested in my company so, even though we are just friends, I do believe I will go and have a good time.  “C”, her hubby and her brother are all good company, so a fun time is assured. However, if I want to not feel guilty about going, I’d better kicker ‘er down and get going. I’ve got a lot of work to do today, and looks like I have the perfect excuse to not have to look in those boxes again today. (snicker!)

Well, I guess there’s always tomorrow (wink). I am nothing, if not the Queen of Procrastination!

Of beer and home improvement projects

Something that I really enjoy is pizza. The best thing to have with pizza is a cold beer. Just one, and it has to be really cold.

I’m very blessed that my younger son has discovered the joy of cooking, and sometimes he makes supper.  Tonight he made calzones. They were just plain pepperoni and cheese, but they were really good. There’s extra yummy goodness in all things home-made. No lie.

So, what beer did I drink with my fabulous home-made calzone? Now, I am a huge Guinness fan. I like a beer with some backbone, and am not prone to drink light beer. I thought about getting some Guinness tonight, but chose to try something new today. I like to try new things all the time, and very often I will choose an adult beverage by the creativity of the label if I just can’t make a decision, but the name of this beer caught my eye. Tonight’s choice is Heavy Horse Scotch Ale, which is made by Big Sky Brewing Company in Missoula, MT. This is the amazing company who are the creators of Moose Drool, another good beer.

I can’t say enough good things about this beer. Not only is it not overly carbonated or hoppy, but it has a lovely smooth taste without being a light beer. Oh, it is a fabulously smooth beer. Hm!! Heavy Horse is a limited run beer, so I think I will go out and get another couple of six packs next pay-day.  Something I’d like to have in my new pantry is not only a wine cellar, but a beer cellar too.

Speaking of my new pantry. It appears that it won’t be built just yet. I still have a few boxes upstairs (left over from bringing everything up from the flood in June)  that need to be gone through and the contents to be kept will have to go in totes and returned to the basement. I have Christmas decorations still stored in my room, and they will have to go downstairs too. So, still having things that need storing in the basement, I’ll need to get those things pared down and squared away so I can get my upstairs finally squared away. Once the upstairs is back in shape, I can pay better attention to the basement. I have some before and after pictures of the organizational project I have going on down there, but I’m saving that for another post.

So, having gone on and on about the stuff I have to get done, I guess I’d better go get something done!

 

Flogging depression with gardening

Apparently, I’ve been depressed.

It sounds as though I make it out to be like it sneaked up on me, and caught me unawares. Well, that’s sometimes how it happens…at least for me. I realized recently, that I’d been falling into old patterns and having no feelings other than unhappy. Today I heard stories about two people I work with at The Big Box Store, who have decided to move away because they lost their homes, and most everything in the flood. There’s nothing holding them here, so they are moving to where they have family, and starting over. It really made me think about all the things that I have taken for granted, and how  fortunate I have been.

Do I have more bills than I can keep up with? Oh, yeah. Do I run like a chicken with my head cut off most days? Yep. Do I feel overwhelmed all the time? Most definitely. Has my ex-husband served me with a legal motion because he thinks he’s paying me too much, and wants a refund? Yes he did, that rotten so-and-so.  Has the heart of my city been destroyed, and so many people I know been displaced and won’t be able to get back into their homes before the snow flies? Yes, and it makes my heart ache.  Have I got more things around the house that need doing than I have time and energy for? Oh, man, do I. Did my engine light come on? Unfortunately, it did. Ugh.

I’ve been feeling really down because of all of this stuff on my plate, and didn’t realize how down I was until I realized I have been having a continual internal pity party for quite a while. Hearing about these two families who have had to make such a hard decision really jerked me out of my rut, and I was able to actually get up and do something. Feeling depressed is very much like wearing weights around your neck…it’s just so hard to get up and do anything. I wish I had realized I had sunk down so far before things got so out of whack.

The thing is, I have got so much to be grateful for, and that really should outweigh the bad stuff. Do I have a home to come home to at the end of a long day, that is dry and safe? Are my kids healthy? Am I gainfully employed? Do I have parents that have stuck by me and helped me every step of the way my whole life? Do I have good friends?  Did my garden produce food for me, even though I neglected it all summer? A resounding yes to all of these things and much more. I am so blessed, and it’s a huge bummer that I lost sight of that.

Before - ugh!

So, after I got home from working at The Big Box Store this morning, I took Older Son shopping. We came home, and then Younger Son and I spent three hours outside. He changed light bulbs over both doors and washed the van, and I spent my time cleaning up and organizing the rock beds that surround two sides of our house. The front one was especially bad, but it turns out that it didn’t take as long as I thought it would. Since I had extra time, and was on a roll, I weeded out my strawberry/herb garden and found some interesting things.

Rosemary on the right, Thyme on the left

I planted rosemary, thyme and oregano this spring, which grew fabulously. Now I have a nice bunch of fresh herbs to cook with. Actually, I like to just rub them in my hands and sniff them. There’s nothing that drops my blood pressure quick than smelling fresh thyme. Who needs drugs when you have a good kitchen herb garden!

After that was done, I took a look at my VERY over grown vegetable garden. We planted snow peas, corn, carrots and pumpkins. The only thing that did really well was the pumpkins. The vines and flowers are so pretty! Younger Son has been telling me for a couple of weeks about some really strange-looking pumpkins, and he thought the vines might be infected with something and the pumpkins were deformed. I finally made the effort to take a look tonight, and it turns out that not only do we have genuine baby pumpkins, but also spaghetti squash! I had a spaghetti squash that I ended up throwing in the compost heap this Spring, as it went bad before I could eat it. Apparently, they are very easy to grow!

We also have ground cherries and dill that re-seeded themselves from last year. The strawberries looked a little worse for the wear, but were holding their own and had sent out runners. We even had some carrots that survived all the rain we received. Even though Younger isn’t a veggie eater, I talked him into trying a carrot straight out of the garden, since he was the one that planted them. I was surprised that he actually ate it, but he did. I ate some too, and it was a little woody as it should have been picked earlier, but it was good anyway.

So, by 7:30 this evening, the rock beds had been cleared of all weeds, one garden had been weeded and watered, and the van had been scrubbed for the first time all summer (There wasn’t

Whoa! Now you can see the rocks in my rock bed!

much car washing going on with the city requesting water conservation during and after the flood, until just recently),  and I was able to sit down and eat supper with a genuine feeling of having accomplished something for the first time in a long, long time.

Tomorrow, I work on the inside of the house!

 

 

 

 

Quiet moments, and some blather

Yes…yes, I’m still alive. It’s been awhile since I posted, but I have to say I was a running fool. Seems like the whole summer has flown by. While I feel like I have nothing to show for it, I’ve actually been pretty busy. That’s ok…It’s better than sitting around, I guess.  And then, when I have time to take a breath, all the fabulous things I had found to blog about evaporate like flood water on a hot July day.  Amazingly, I was sitting in the living room alone with no sounds other than my Wood Wick candle burning, the traffic outside and the noise of Younger Son taking a shower. It was a lovely quiet moment, albeit brief. Apparently that was just enough to break my writer’s block. Strange, the things my brain will respond to.

The flood situation in Minot is no longer all about being wet, but now about recovery. Most everyone who was displaced has been allowed back into their homes, and the gutting and cleaning has commenced.  We have heard that there is a plan being proposed that will straighten out the river, and provide protection from the river for up to 30,000 cfs (cubic feet/second).   We dealt with upwards of 22,000 cfs this go around. Whatever plan they come up with, it will take a long time to put into place, but Minot will be better off for it. More on that as things progress.

Right now we are sitting in the living room watching a movie called Escanaba in da Moonlight. It’s an old family favorite that we got through Netflix. It’s one of those shows we all agree on, and can have a good laugh over.  There’s nothing like sitting around with your kids having a good laugh.

Speaking of kids, I had the last three days off so I could get them registered and set up for school, which is starting very late for us this year. The flood took several schools in town so the State has forgiven five school days, plus there will be three more tacked on to that will be made up throughout the school year. As a result, instead of starting school August 24th, school won’t start until September 6th. Older Son is a Senior this year, and so come all things associated with that: Senior pictures, applying to colleges and graduation…amongst other things.  Older Son isn’t too hip on the whole graduation tradition, and would rather skip all of the pictures and ceremony. Well, he’s just going to have to tough it out. Some traditions just need to be observed. I think he’s feeling a little overwhelmed with the end of school coming and having to make choices. I don’t envy him…it’s no easy thing to know what you want to do for the rest of your life. I still am not sure what I want to do when I grow up either, and I’m 42.

Younger Son cooked supper tonight. It was a <a href=”http://www.youtube.com/embed/t1IiUAtoNBk“>grilled,  bacon wrapped, vegetable stuffed meatloaf. OMG. That kid is going to make me fatter than I already am. He’s also going to make some nice girl a fine husband one day. He’s got that cooking thing down for someone who’s only 16 years old. This is the third time in the last month I’ve come home to find supper grilled and ready to eat. I’m truly spoiled.

My lovely kitty, Harley, got declawed this week. As lovely as he is, he’s got a taste for scratching everything but the scratching post, including box springs, the dish washer, the heat vent in the bathroom, the living room furniture, and anything Older Son owns. It’s not something I had planned on, or liked, having to do, but it was either that or he’d have to go. The good news is that he is making a remarkable recovery and is up to the usual mischief…except without so many scratch marks.

Now it’s quiet again, and all I hear is my tapping on the key board and the wooden wick of my candle crackling away. Pretty soon I’ll have to get up and put my laundry in the dryer, and hit the rack, bringing  my rare quiet moment to an end, but I’m enjoying it while it lasts.

Three days and counting!

Oh yes…only three more days left and then life gets good again. School’s soon to be out for the Summer!  Whoo!

What, you say? I like it when school is out? Oh yes. I have always liked it better when the kids are out for the summer.  There’s less complication, less garbage to deal with, and all around less stress.  Older Son asked me the other day why I liked it better when school is out. “Because I like you guys,” was my reply. And I do like having them around…I’ll be a mess when they move on and get their own lives!

I will admit that they are getting on each others nerves by the end of Summer Vacation, and going back to school alleviates that a bit.  This year I don’t anticipate that being a problem as they both are working.  With the different schedule’s they’ll have, they’ll be lucky to even see each other for very long at all most days. Sigh…I’ll be lucky to see them at all each day. Still, I like it better when school’s out for the Summer.

T-minus three days, and counting!

Where is Barbara Eden when you need her?

Holy cow…life has taken be for quite a ride these last two weeks. The end of the school year, combined with everything else that’s going on has left me with my head spinning and my house is a complete disaster. Here it is, Friday already this week, and I have company coming this weekend. Uff da.

I woke up today thinking how lovely it would be if I could have mad skills like Barbara Eden’s Jeannie. I would love it if I could clean my whole house with just a sharp bob of my head.  In my youth, when I spouted off about how I wished something could be different, my Dad would ask me if I had a pile of wish in one and a cow patty in another, what do you get when you rub your hands together? Better to get your hands dirty with work than to rub them together wishing things were different. Well, I’m unhappy to report that Dad was right. Wishing doesn’t quite fix the problem, so I guess I’ll stay up a little later tonight and get everything in order.

In other news, we’ve had a few gloriously sunshiny days. We deserved this nice weather, and I even got a little bit of a sunburn at the garage sale last weekend. Today we have 100% chance of rain, but I’m hoping that things will dry out enough this coming week that we’ll be able to put the garden in.

In North Dakota, we have a LOT of different Seasons, all of which overlap each other. For example, right now it is Spring, but it is also the beginning of Road Construction and Home Improvement Seasons. We have a lot of pot holes in the streets after a long hard Winter…axle-busting pot holes…and it could very well take most of the Spring and Summer for them all to get repaired. Home Improvement Season will be long too. There’s just no end to the work of art in progress that is my home. Thank goodness for my Dad, who has a handle on all things that have to do with home improvement.

Last year I had the roof replaced, the bathroom gutted and redone, and all of my windows were changed out. This will be the Summer of Small Projects. Lots of paint, lots of organizing and much getting rid of stuff that I don’t need anymore. I’m looking at doing some different things with my garden this year too, but more on that later.

Today it will rain and wash away the dust and dirt that covers everything, and make the air smell good. I have lunch with my Sister by Choice today, and work should be light….at least at the Cube Farm. It’s going to be a good day.