Live in defiance of the bad things in life…keep breathing.
October 28, 2012 5 Comments
Recently I was told that a person I haven’t seen in almost thirty years had passed away. I’d known him from when I was in band during my junior high and high school years, as we played drums together. He was someone everyone liked and respected…I can’t think of one time when anyone ever had a bad thing to say about him. He was quiet and quick to smile, was fun to be around, and just let things roll off. Or at least it appeared that way.
I received notification of his death via Facebook from a friend, who still lives in my old home town. Apparently he’d killed himself…hung himself to be exact, which isn’t necessarily a quick or easy way to die.
Even though I haven’t seen this gentleman in a very long time, it still shook me that he did this to himself. Of course, the first question everyone asks when someone commits suicide is, “why”?
I think even if someone leaves a note explaining why, the people left behind will never really understand it fully.
There was a short time in my life when breathing just wasn’t my favorite thing to do, and I wished terribly to just die in my sleep. This period didn’t last long at all, and I am glad it didn’t. I don’t think I’d have ever forced the issue myself, but I do know that it was a very miserable way to feel. It was a very insulated time. Even though I was surrounded by people who loved me, I couldn’t have been more alone. I can only imagine that this man who just died by his own hand felt like that, only to such a greater extent that he didn’t have anything to anchor him here. He didn’t have any ability anymore to know that his actions would send shock waves not only through is family, but also across a whole community of people…even those who hadn’t seen him for a very long time.
So what pulled me out of what felt like a giant abyss? My kids. At that point, I began living for them because I knew that nobody else would take care of them like I could. They were the anchor I needed to feel like the continuation of breathing was a good idea. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Once I learned how to really live for someone else, I could then learn to live for myself. As things stand today, I have never felt more whole, and I think it’s because I hit bottom and survived it. I can look back and see what I’ve accomplished, but I can also look forward and see that the sky is the limit. My life is full of potential, and my bucket list runneth over with possibility.
What I would say to someone who can’t see past the misery they are experiencing? Find something to anchor yourself to… something that means something. Perhaps it’s your children, or someone else who needs you. Maybe you can find something to put on your bucket list to work towards. Perhaps a fresh start somewhere else would help. No matter what it is that helps you stay breathing, know that every day is a new start and you can keep going one day at a time, one step at a time, and any setbacks you experience don’t equal failure…they are merely momentary road blocks.
Talk to someone…don’t keep the misery to yourself. Misery and self loathing propagate when left in darkness. Open the shutters of your mind and let the sun shine in. Find something that feeds your soul, rather than letting the misery consume it. It may take a while, but keep looking. Never give up, never surrender. That might sound like a trite saying from a cheesy Tim Allen Movie , but it’s absolutely the right thing to do.
One of my favorite sayings is: “this, too, shall pass”. There is nothing more true than this. Everything has it’s time, whether good or bad. The trick is to ride out the bad times, because the good things always cycle back around. While hanging on for dear life, take note of the little blessings around you. I’ve beat that theme to death in this blog, but it’s something that truly helped save me, and turned my attitude about everything around for the better.
Here’s hoping that anyone reading this blog who feels like they just don’t want to live anymore will stop, take a moment to find one little thing that makes a difference in their day and build on that one thing. Little things not only mean a lot, but when you add to your collection of small blessings daily, you can successfully rebuild your life on a better foundation. Throw that window in your mind open, look outside and see the potential, and hang on tight to that.
The possibilities for you are endless…Live in defiance of the bad things in life.